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RSS feedsAuthor: Roxy Sass
Sex Goddess and Senior Staff Writer
Articles by this author:
Roxy Sass: FutureSex/LoveBots
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Roxy Sass: Addicted to sex
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Roxy Sass: Wordy
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Roxy Sass: Harder
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Roxy Sass: Tasty
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Rule your bed with an iron fist
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Streamline your sex life
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Do Stanford students outscore Cal?
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Thanks for not (giving me clap)
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Roxy gets down digitally
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Hump that grump
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Roxy Sass kisses and tells
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Put the "cum" in "Homecoming"
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Roxy Sass Does Herself
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Roxy Breaks Out of the Handcuffs
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People on the Farm Do It Like Animals
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Dear Roxy... Your questions answered
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As the year goes by, Roxy is fairly accustomed to receiving emails asking her sex-goddessly self for advice — sometimes, as you will see, of a rather personal nature.
Roxy gets her USA on!
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Roxy feels you up...in bed
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Ladies, you all know the drill. Especially if there’s alcohol in his system, he’s going to fall asleep after you do the deed. It could be the most mind — (and everything else) blowing sex of your life, but odds are he’ll be out like a light within sixty seconds. He might not even pull out first, which probably leaves you crushed under a sweaty dead weight reeking of beer.
Motherhood: A recipe for not much sex
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Motherhood is all right for some, Roxy guesses.
Roxy does cowboy/ninja/bear, in bed
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‘Doing’ seniors . . .
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College: Honestly, it’s about the sex
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Roxy rants on Japanese schoolgirls
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We’ve all run into Japanese animation at some point — the fanciful storylines, the impossible hairstyles, the equally impossible bodily proportions.
Roxy mounts her Mounties
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In Roxy’s mind, “Canada” and “sex” have always been two separate ideas never to be combined for any reason.
Roxy cashes in at Vaden to take a break
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Intermission is taking a break this week, and what do you think Roxy is doing in all her spare time?
Roxy takes sex to the Oscars
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The answer to the first question is painfully obvious, Roxy hates to admit. Of course there weren’t any particularly stunning sex scenes in mainstream movies headed to the Oscars.
Putting sexy back in the White House
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Let’s take this moment to honor the presidents of the United States.
Roxy gets freaky . . . err, geeky
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When it comes to geeks, Stanford is full of them — studying in Green on Friday nights, talking about computer programming at dinner, enjoying their assigned reading.
Roxy Sass on hook-ups and hardware
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It’s the In ‘n’ Out Issue, and you all know what Roxy’s thinking.
Roxy to Cal: Do not take it personally
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It could be a winter “pleasure” land
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Who is your Secret Santa this year?
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Roxy concedes that at first glance Christmas doesn’t really seem like one of the sexier holidays.
Holiday Hook-Up, FO SHEEZY
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Letter sex ain’t the same
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Also, transportation is a lot faster these days. When you really can’t take it anymore, your lover is usually only a long drive or airplane ride away. While maybe you can’t afford this all the time, just remember, you are still fortunate. It’s not like people could just take a weekend off from WWI.
Roxy overcomes the slump
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So many places for whoppee, so little time
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Does this even require an explanation?
Roxy’s victories are always landslides
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Teen: shhh...
Get more out of your experience here . . .
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College is quite possibly the best sexual experience of our lives.
Roxy does double duty
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Last week during her Public Policy lecture, Roxy found it difficult to quell her delighted cackles as she clicked her way through 500 questions of an online Purity Test.
Sometimes asking is the hardest part
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All over campus, everyone is talking about one thing: Freshmen. For the upperclassmen, it can get a little tiring but you must bear with Roxy one more time.
Frosh: Act out your urges
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Class of 2010, this one’s for you.
Three's Company
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You know the old adage: Two’s company, three’s a crowd.
ESPN: Is it ‘going MTV’?
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Don’t get me wrong — I love ESPN as much as the next guy.
It sounds good but...Roxy explores myths about sex
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Summertime Sex Shortage
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Even though she’s a busy gal (big pimpin’ ain’t easy), Roxy’s never addressed what to do when there simply isn’t TIME for sex.
Sex-ercise your education
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The time has come, ‘tis the last Intermission and the seniors are going off into the real world, trying to apply the years of advice that Roxy has given them.
View it yourself
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Roxy can’t say how many times she has been asked, what is the ultimate way to spice up your love life?
Roxy's Love Letters
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Dear Roxy,
I just started dating a guy after a long courting period. I usually don't go down on a guy until he has gone done on me but we had been flirting for so long.
Learning the Hard Way
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Let’s do a little mental exercise here. If it becomes a physical exercise, I won’t blame you, but you’re roommate might.
Roxy says: Spring is time for fling
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First off, Roxy would like to begin by saying that she is incredibly upset at not being able to advise you poor children on spring break flirtation tactics.
Roxy says: First is the worst
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So it’s your first time. You can be honest with Roxy. Chances are this is a true statement for 80 percent of you reading this article right now.
The Roxies
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It’s Oscars time once again and there is still no “Best Shag” Award. That makes Roxy sad, to say the least. So, for this issue, Roxy is going to have an awards ceremony of her own — the Roxies.
Roxy plays with balls and more...
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As the ladies of the Jersey Chasers Facebook group know, there is nothing hotter than an athlete. So, as a tribute to the greatest sport of all — jersey chasing — Roxy has compiled a sweet little list of the hottest athletes and why they’ll give you a rockin’ good time in bed.
FratMan meets HotChick
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This week, Roxy tries to explain sex — in their own language — to those poor souls at WonderCon who, either by choice or by unfortunate circumstance, are oblivious to the pleasures of the opposite sex.
Roxy drains the gene pool
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So just how does Darwin’s theory on the survival of the fittest relate to sex at Stanford?
Roxy rides you into the future of pleasure
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While many people are going around telling us kiddies to value our "virtue," and wait for true love, there are many of you that understand what Roxy's been telling you all along: Fuck virtue and why wait?
Roxy explores the state of fun
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My fellow Stanfordians, as we commence this wondrous New Year, you have undoubtedly pledged to uphold your 2006 resolutions.
Roxy Says: "Never apologize in bed..."
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Okay, so the theme of this week’s Intermission is all about remembering the last year so that you don’t have to dig past your post-New Year’s haze.
Roxy wants to make sure those sexy superpowers don’t go to waste
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Not feeling so super these days are you?
An open letter to Cal students, why try?
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Dear Weenie... I mean you poor unfortunate soul who goes to Cal,
You might occasionally win on the field, but we all know who’s champ between the sheets.
Roxy doesn't need Vegas to have her fun
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So it goes without saying that The Daily was too cheap to send me to Vegas with my fabulous editor gal pals. What else is new?
Even worst-case scenarios can't stop Roxy from getting what she wants...
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Roxy has regaled you with many a tale of sexual splendor over the years. While the stories have all been 100 percent true, Roxy nonetheless has a confession to make: even a goddess has her off-days.
TAs, RAs, HPACs and PHEs: Roxy knows staff are where it's at
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For years now, my loyal following of readers has been telling me resident-staff relations were a hot-button topic. They should have seen inside my panties Saturday night.
Never fear, kiddies, Roxy’s integrity is here to stay
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Everyone knows that Halle Barry could have played any role in the business after winning that Oscar. But instead of going for Shakespeare, she decided maybe she just wanted money.
Roxy sells herself cheap on a front lawn
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Roxy seems to recall a fashion and style article that told you kids not to spend all your money at Ikea last week. What’s so sexy about furniture that doesn’t have any vowels in its name?
Roxy Says Get Your Fill Without the Date
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There is an old myth that Stanford students don’t date. Somehow on The Farm we manage to go straight from dance floor hookup to sharing our twin-extra longs with the same person every night for four years without so much as a regular date in between.
Kissing the summer fling goodbye
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It’s me, not you. I know you’ve heard that one before, but it really is me this time. Yes, Ms. Sass is pulling the plug on our summer romance and bidding you, her faithful reader, adieu.
Heat up your summer internship
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By now, Roxy is pretty sure that you overachievers are sick of your glitzy summer internships. “Get me back to the Farm, Roxy!
Camp goes scandalous
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Greetings from sunny Puerto Vallarta!
Sex and sports
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Roxy might not be the biggest sports fan, but she’s definitely a big fan of athletes. Sure, she might not always understand what they’re doing on the field, but she certainly knows it pays off when the night goes into “extra innings.
Don't exercise, sexercise!
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Have you ever wanted to be a model?
Buses, Elevators and Dark Hallways: Sex at Formal
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Roxy’s talked a lot about sex in her day. Sex with multiple partners, sex with your date’s roommate, sex in the library.
It's a two-fer: Roxy makes the most of your time
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If you don’t want a commitment, why have one?
Roxy reveals the first-annual ‘Big 5 Challenge’
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Spring is in the air!
Roxy scores some extra credit
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Spring is here, and things are heating up. I’m not talking about the temperature outside. I’m talking about your discussion sections.
Roxy's tax day ramblings: Get a job!
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Ahhh, Tax Day. Yep, it’s April 15th, and if you haven’t sent in your tax returns yet, you’d better be on your way to Monaco or the Cayman Islands.
Roxy explores the Eiffel Tower
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Listen up men of Stanford, Roxy needs to let you in on a little secret. I’m mainly writing this for you, Mr.
Enough with the sex: Roxy tells some April Fools jokes
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On behalf of the entire Intermission staff, Roxy Sass sincerely hopes that you have mastered the art of unhooking bras by now.
Swashbucklin' Sass and her pirates' booty
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Bad is sexy. Bad cops, bad witches, girls gone bad. As innocence fades, we grow more and more intrigued by the dark, mysterious horseman until we’ve completely lost interest in the pure, wholesome princess.
Your player stats: Are you an MVP or minor-league rookie?
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It is said that life passes in the blink of an eye, and as winter quarter approaches the bottom of the ninth, you’ve got to agree time flies even when you’re not having fun.
Roxy: Golden numbers, not showers
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“Arcadia” is an esoteric novel if there ever was one — except, of course, to that occasional high school English teacher from UC Davis who liked women that he described as “buxom” (NOT “bosom,” a mistake Roxy won’t make again in class).
Roxy says: give 'em the finger(s)
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When Roxy thinks of seceding she thinks of leaving “the man” behind and wearing hot camouflage pants. Let’s try some word association.
From Russia with Love: Roxy Sass
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If Communism is associated with a red flag proudly waving its star, hammer and sickle, then Communist-style sex would have to tie in red lace with whips of uniform size and texture.
Russian to share some vodka: Roxy Sass
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“You and me baby ain’t nuthin but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”
While mammals are busy hibernating, eating and sleeping through the winter, the more intelligent, hotter blooded ones have devised better ways of occupying themselves when confined to the indoors.
Roxy Sass: Your newest UAC advisor
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More important than deciding on a major is deciding on who could give you a major orgasm. So before you can proceed to lying on your left side with one leg over his right shoulder, you need to know who is worth these bodily contortions and who isn't.
Roxy makes some resolutions for the New Year
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2005 — A long time coming . . .
Ever played that game where you look around and mentally point out who has and hasn’t done IT (and how recently)?
ROXY SASS OFFERED TOUR-GUIDE POSITION ON CAMPUS
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By ROXY SASS
SEX GODDESS
“Never let schooling get in the way of your education” — Mark Twain
Who says there aren’t lessons to be learned outside of lecture?
Sometimes all I want from a man is his bone — and organs
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Did you ever suspect that Roxy Sass could get off during a visit to a science museum?
Politically Republican (in bed): Roxy loves the Dick and Bush
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Does anyone else get slightly aroused by these debates, speeches and campaigns for president?
Even dorks get laid, so flaunt it you nerd
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What would you do if a troupe of porn stars showed up at your dorm and asked you to perform with them as part of their newest film?
Roxy hits the jackpot while slinking around Sin City
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“Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” Forget gambling — Roxy’s poker face has won her enough money to pay for a quarter’s worth of tuition.
Roxy Sass: Tricks and treats for your lover’s twins
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Roxy has her finger on the pulse of the Stanford sex scene, and as usual she doesn’t like what she sees. I’ve watched one too many of my tragically repressed peers dive for the main course, skipping over salacious side dishes in the process.
Behind the sex and sass: Roxy contemplates the meaning of life
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Dear readers, Roxy has a question for you: Do you ever tire of reading about sex?
Roxy’s Believe it or Not!: When guys say ‘No’
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No, Hell hath not frozen over. Contrary to the popular belief that guys think any and all sex is a good thing, the truth is that in some cases, guys would much rather a) sleep, b) eat or c) watch figure skating on TV.
Roxy boldly takes on ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’
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“Whenever I go on a ride, I’m always thinking of what’s wrong with the thing and how it can be improved.”
— Walt Disney
Roxy decided to head to “The Happiest Place on Earth” (TM) after agreeing with such encouraging quotes by the head Mouseketeer himself, Mr.
Roxy: Summer flings fine by me
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It’s summer, and Roxy always gets a little misty around this time of year. Not just because I have fond memories of seeing the fine specimens at the tennis camp squeezed into tight white outfits, but also because summer is the time for meaningless, short-term fun fests.
Roxy’s summer: Books, bathrooms and bondage (minus bondage)
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Oh, the joys of summer . . . hot sexy bodies on the beach, wild flings, one-night stands and partying every night of the week.
Roxy on life after Stanford: Great Sexpectations
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The other night Roxy was standing outside on her balcony and saw that one of her neighbor’s windows was completely fogged up.
Flirting for Dummies
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Greetings, dear readers. I know you’re all excited to read what salacious, scandalous stories Roxy has in store for you today.
The birds and the bees are doing it - Roxy has spring fever!
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Strolling along the outer edge of the Quad last week, I began to notice the presence of a rather persistent pestilence that causes irregular heartbeats, lungs short of breath, and piles of wadded up Kleenex.
Roxy loves the dorks
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What would you do if a troupe of porn stars showed up at your dorm and asked you to perform with them as part of their newest film?
Roxy Q&A : Of salads and sex
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This week Roxy opened her inbox, and let me just say, you all have MAJOR issues. Not that I don’t mind answering your sexual queries, but are there that many people on this campus that get themselves into awkward sex situations?
Roxy: I just want sex!
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Anyone?
Roxy: A lipstick lesbian for beads
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This past weekend, Miss Sass herself took a field trip down south to the Big Easy for a small little party called Mardi Gras.
Think: Margaret Thatcher in winter!
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Stupid freshmen. They come to Stanford, full of themselves, bragging about how sexually educated they are, but they fail to satisfy any Stanford stud(ent)’s expectations.
The Vibrator Monologues
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According to statistics in the sexual bible (i.e. Cosmo), only a paltry 33 percent of women admit that they masturbate.
Roxy: Straight guys and the men who love them
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Because most of my guy friends tend to be well dressed, clean and rarely refer to girls as bitches, a lot of people assume they’re gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hell, some of my best friends are gay.
That’s Amore: Roxy in Florence
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The sex goddess travels to romantic Italy.
Roxy says: Hickeys SUCK!!!
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But no matter how you like to get down, eventually one morning you will wake up, look in the mirror, and find your once pure and virginal skin violated by a hickey.
Shacking Up: Do's and Don'ts
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This past weekend, I was faced with my old archenemy, Awkwardness. But this time he had teamed up with Captain Hangover and Whose-Room-Am-I-In . . .
Rise of the Machines: Sex in the Digital
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Roxy discusses the perils (and pleasures) of cyber-sex.
Roxy scores...even without the base system!
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There are few concepts that Stanford students enjoy discussing more than the ubiquitous “hook-up.” And yet, amidst all this casual usage, does anyone know what this term really encompasses?
Roxy says: Scream it like you mean it!
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Roxy's latest advice on how to make the most of being with that special someone
Roxy, Sex and Rebellion
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Bothered by the burden of a boomerang-shaped penis? If you or your lover is plagued by the same condition that Tom Cruise has, then fret not.
Ready for your first time with Roxy?
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Greetings from the trenches. While I’ve been around the block several times, you may be new to the world of Roxy Sass. So let me introduce myself to you.
Nice guys finish themselves
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So you say you’re a nice guy. You shower regularly, you donate blood, you take your vitamins and you’ve had permanent blue-balls for the past seven years. Girls feel comfortable changing in front of you.
Roxy on animal rights and dating: Bestiality is not best
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Your dog may be your best friend, but take it from Roxy-sometimes it’s best to “just be friends.” Having witnessed some kinky man-on-dog action from guys who had decent chances of getting some tail elsewhere, Roxy is letting the cat out of the bag: love your pets, but don’t love your pets.
Getting it on...by yourself
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Clueless about the clitoris?
How to find an off-campus fling
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Despite Ms. Sass’ admittedly diminutive stature, there is one category in which she gives the likes of Horace Grant (Mark Madsen, we only hope you left the Lakers because you didn’t approve of Kobe Bryant’s adultery) a run for his money: rebounding.
Is it hot in here, or is it just Roxy?
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Let’s get ready for some summer lovin’.
My faithful readers, Ms. Sass apologizes for not writing sooner.
But, in an effort to help you get your summer — and yourself — off right, she is now back and ready to deal with such complicated topics as, “How to Date Someone that Doesn’t Go to Stanford.
So long Roxy Sass: Here's the best of the bad
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It’s hard to believe this year is almost over, that it’s time for old Roxy to pack up and go. But I’ll be back. Until then, enjoy these delicious pieces of wisdom from this year:
Stanford dating:
The real question here is: Why is it so hard?
She shoots, she doesn’t score: Roxy learns to rebound
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Rebound relationships are bad news. Everybody knows it isn’t healthy to feign recovery from a once-meaningful relationship by finding solace in another prematurely.
Roxy talks The Talk
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There is less than a month left in the school year. It is time for The Talk. Now, now, stop your whimpering. Roxy hates this as much as you do, but some things cannot be avoided.
What is sex? Roxy finds it hard to define.
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Roxy cares about you, you big pussy
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Most of us say that we don’t care what anybody else thinks. Well, most of us are big fat liars.
In high school, you might have convinced yourself that you didn’t care when you opted to build the perfect balsa wood tower for Science Olympiad rather than go to the house party down the block, but you probably cared.
Roxy answers all your burning questions and more
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Don’t despair, dear readers!
Roxy Sass: The rules of rejection
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By ROXY SASS
SEX GODDESS
Having survived the debauchery of a Florida-filled spring break, Roxy Sass is now a licensed master at rejection, successfully fending off all offensive oglers, from hormone-riding prepubescents to shockingly lecherous old men.
Take me to your leader: Geek sex, part deux
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Editor’s note: This is the conclusion of Roxy’s two-part series on the joy of geek sex
Two weeks ago, your beloved Roxy wrote about the undiscovered splendor of geeks and where to nab them.
Roxy says, ‘Get some computer lovin’!’
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To some, the words “geek” and “sex” may be mutually exclusive, never even to appear in the same sentence. But this girl knows that on Stanford campus, the Land of a Thousand Geeks, geeks having sex and sexy geeks abound.
Ditch your emotional baggage this Valentine's Day
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Ah, Valentine’s Day is here again, a holiday marked by commodified displays of affection, overpriced roses and major self-esteem issues.
Roxy says: Use your gifts from God!
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Let Roxy say it loudly, once and for all: SIZE DOES MATTER. How else to explain Napoleon’s insatiable quest to tear up the better part of Europe? That famous portrait of him with his hand tucked surreptitiously into his coat-front clearly signals penis insecurity.
Roxy comes clean on Public Displays of Affection
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Sure, Roxy has let love, sexual frustration and booze get the best of her in the past, and sure, she has a predilection for doing the private in public. But — not to toot my own horn — I have never, ever been caught.
Technical virgins unite — De-virginize Stanford!
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Head, fellatio, face, cunnilingus; call it what you will, but oral sex has become a hook up staple at our semi-sexual campus.
Roxy's best fan mail of 2002:
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This week, I’m addressing some of the fan mail I’ve received over the past few months. These are real, honest-to-god emails that have graced my inbox.
Caught with your Pants Down? Roxy tells you how to cope
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It’s embarrassing, it’s mortifying, and, unless you happen to be one of the lucky bastards with a single, it’s inevitable.
Whipped boys, escape your lady’s cruel clutches!
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This is an unfortunately familiar scenario — a couple that is a socially and emotionally self-contained entity.
Roxy faces her dirty past
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This week Ms. Sass takes a respite from discussing relationships and delves into even messier territory: their aftermath.
Roxy’s guide to scoring off the field
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Dear Roxy,
Help! I am lusting after this totally hot Stanford athlete. I do not know how to pursue my endeavors, being the lowly freshman I am. Are they as stupid here as they were in high school? Will the same tactics work? I trust you, sex goddess, to lead me in the right direction.
Sincerely,
Athletic Ass Admirer
Roxy answers your sexual queries
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This week, Roxy answers several queries from her adoring readers. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
Roxy Sass, Full Moon Manhunter
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Oh, how to describe the glorious sketchfest that is Full Moon on the Quad?
Roxy says: Don’t make her fake it!
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It’s 8 o’clock Saturday morning when the noises begin.
Roxy Sass wants you to take a dip in the melting pot
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It’s time to do a short little word association exercise to start this week’s column off right. Get out your pens and papers, darlings.
Asian girls? Latino men? Indian women? Black men?
Stanford Dating: hard or limp?
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For your average woman at Stanford, the dating scene goes something like this:
Stanford boys’ sincere dorkiness gets Roxy’s rocks off
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What would you do if a troupe of porn stars showed up at your dorm and asked you to perform with them as part of their newest film?
Roxy says farewell to sweet summer fling
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It’s me, not you. I know you’ve heard that one before, but it really is me this time. Yes, Ms. Sass is pulling the plug on our summer romance and bidding you, her faithful reader, adieu.
Roxy Sass cuts her losses
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This week, Ms. Sass takes a cue from the rapidly collapsing summer relationships around her to examine the wonderful world of deal-breakers — those few things for which no amount of peripheral perfection can compensate.
Roxy works on office affairs
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Dear Roxy,
Long-time reader, first-time writer. I am the meat in the proverbial sandwich — stuck between work and pleasure.
Roxy tests your Sass to help you score big
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Gray areas abound when it comes to relationships, so Ms. Sass has devised a quick quiz to help you determine if you should be evaluating other hook-up prospects or settling in for the long haul.
1. There’s an encounter on the horizon. How do you get ready?
Roxy tries her hand at the job
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First things first: Big, sloppy thank-yous to all the Roxy readers who checked in to make sure Ms. Sass hadn’t retired to greener pastures after her absence last week.
Roxy on top, a guide to a sassy bedside manner
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Welcome back for part two of Roxy’s guide to the first hook-up. Last week, we set the stage. You don’t know each other that well.
Beyond Al Green: Roxy’s guide to getting it on
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Dear Roxy,
My friends and I were swapping first hook-up tales and I was shocked by the lack of common sense involved in these encounters.
Roxy gets some T. & A. from her T.A.
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Dearest Stanfordians,
The perfect date . . . ah, the eternal search for the impossible. Since the rest of the issue is dedicated to what to do on the perfect date, let’s talk about the person, that very special Dudley-Do-Right of Dating, and how to find him or her.
Roxy's advice for smoochy-smoochy
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Dear Roxy Sass,
I started dating this guy a few weeks ago, and we’ve sort of worked our way up to long make-out sessions, which is fine except that he’s a horrible kisser.
Roxy Sass Advises Chastity?!?
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My boyfriend and I have been together since freshman year (we’re juniors now). We are very much in love with each other, and he is my very best friend.
Roxy Sass says, 'Whip that ass!'
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Dear Roxy,
My girlfriend recently told me that she would like to try what she called BDSM. I’m pretty open to trying new things, but I don’t even know what that means.
Sleaze-o-meter Challenge
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By ROXY SASS
After a week and a half of classes, you may be feeling a bit bored, so Roxy’s come up with a little quiz to help you find your secret, inner Sleaze.
Finding your de-flower power
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Dear Stanfordians –
I’m sure you’re all busy with midterms, but that’s no excuse to ignore dear old Roxy. I haven’t heard from any of you in the last couple of weeks, so I’m sorry to say I don’t have a naughty question to answer.
Bring out the sex monster!
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Dear Roxy Sass,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and recently he’s started talking about threesomes. I think he’s trying to hint that he’d like to have one, but so far I’ve just ignored it.
Spice up your life
INTERMISSION|
Dear Roxy Sass,
My boyfriend and I have been together for about a month now, and things have gotten a little dull. Do you have any suggestions on ways to spice things up in the bedroom?
(Won’t you to take me to) Sporkytown
INTERMISSION|
Question: Dear Roxy Sass,
I read your column a couple of weeks ago when you talked about spooning and presently I find myself in a spooning dilemma.
User’s Guide: The low-down on the go-down
INTERMISSION|
Question: Dear Roxy Sass,
I was getting the best blow job of my life, and I came in her mouth. She swallowed like a champ, but then afterwards she told me that according to sexual etiquette, I should have told her when I was about to come so she could decide whether she wanted to swallow or not.
Nessie, Sasquatch, a free lunch . . . the Stanford hook-up
INTERMISSION|
Question: Dear Roxy Sass,
I just transferred to campus. Where can I find this elusive “hookup” that I hear everyone talking about?