This story was inspired by the Wednesday Daily story of the same name

At Tuesday’s ASSU Undergraduate Senate meeting, the Ninth Undergraduate Senate wrapped up its term and incoming senators selected a new Senate Chair and Deputy Chair. During a five-hour long meeting, Barca Lounger and Ikea Swivel won out against last year’s Laz-E Boy and Love Seat in an 8-7 vote.

The room was a flurry of catalogue rifling and tensions were high. This year’s choices were pivotal ones, as many current senators voiced disapproval with last year’s chairs. One senator perhaps spoke to the mood of the room when he noted that he felt “uncomfortable” with the older chairs and that they didn’t provide enough backing for the key initiatives he wanted to put forth. These initiatives have included H.R. 245, the Senate Rocking, Leaning Back and Rolling proposal of 2007, a bill that he himself authored.

Others were quite satisfied with the old chairs. “I think for the purposes of institutional memory, these chairs are a vital part of our senatorial makeup,” one senator said. “I think what I’m trying to say is that they’re not a pain in the ass like the other options we’ve got going for us.”

The chairs are responsible for upholding a high standard of integrity and dignity, as well as a weight roughly equal to a maximum of 300 pounds. Their duties consist of sitting for long periods of time and doing nothing exceptional.

A third senator was concerned with the character traits of the vying chairs: “We’ve got to see what they’re made of, be it polyester, vinyl or leather. We need to see how they will stand up under pressure. All of the candidates bring a lot to the table, but some are sturdier and more reliable than others.”

After a period of discussion, the first round of voting was conducted. Predictably, this vote was split along partisan lines.

Frustrated that the Senate had spent two hours in discussion, the self-appointed Student Government Secretary of Interior Decoration voiced his disapproval. A respected member of the Senate thanks to his campaign video from last year in which he put his face onto the body of Queen Latifah in Hairspray, he noted “We need to break through all this partisan bickering and find a chair that we’re all happy with.”

The secretary proceeded to give a detailed Powerpoint presentation that he had created on the benefits and drawbacks of rolling chairs. His presentation included the data from a survey he had created and emailed out to the student body asking what they looked for in a chair, to which the number one response was “no opinion.”

“From my thorough analysis,” the secretary concluded, “I think they’re fun to roll around on and you can do that thing where you joust while holding brooms. And I think a large part of the student body agrees with me, though they didn’t say so outright.”

The second, third and fourth rounds of voting turned out exactly the same as the first, continuing to be directly split on partisan lines. On the fifth round, candidate Barca Lounger won out over Laz-e-Boy when a previously undecided senator was swayed by the high quality, one-piece construction, easy to operate, three-position lounger, distinctive Bustle Back Charles of London Arm, and decorative nail head trim of the prospective senator.

When asked to comment on the results of this election, the winning senator, had one thing to say: “Holy Cow.”

Nat would like to once again emphasize the comfort and affordability of the barcalounger chair. He hopes it will serve the new round of senators well. Email him with complaints at nat.hillard "at" stanford.edu.