Human intelligence can be so scattered at times that it is difficult to believe that we are the “superior species.” Granted, no other living species has created such great miracles of creativity and intellect as the personal computer, phone or vehicle, but neither has anything but a human attempted a massive military coup in the dead of a Russian winter (Oh, Napoleon...stupid ass). But failed leaders aren’t the only laughable ones. People across the world have conjured up some pretty crazy ideas. Here are a few more bad ones you might not have considered:

1) Pepsi Clear/Crystal Pepsi (1993)

I was too young to remember the monstrosity of this product, and I’m sure my mom wouldn’t have allowed any of Pepsi’s sugary goodness to pass through my lips anyway, but from the vehement testimonies I’ve read, Pepsi’s half-assed attempt at making a clear drink was not only disgusting but also pointless. Why does it have to be clear, Pepsi? I can’t even think of a good excuse for this. 7-UP and Sprite are already sufficient see-through drinks, and I doubt that Coca-Cola was breathing so far down Pepsi’s neck that it was necessary for it to shift the competition toward the lemony-lime flavored pops.

Apparently this entire year was not a good one for Pepsi, as they decided to add a winning caps feature to the drink in response to declining sales, betting on the possibility that people will blow money on anything and everything that is well advertised (a fair assumption). Unfortunately, with Pepsi Clear being, well, clear, all customers had to do was flip the bottle upside down to read the cap’s message. It’s nice to know there’s a company out there for me, ready to scoop me up on some ubiquitous job site for when I say, “Fuck school!” and decide to forgo all pursuits of wit and otherwise respectable forms of human intelligence. Yeah, I’m sure I could find a dunce-worthy job somewhere...right, Pepsi?

2) Nickelodeon’s descent into primetime hell

I can’t even begin to describe the magnitude of this tragedy. I grew up with cable as a child, and therefore had none of that PBS or Disney Channel brainwashing drama, thank God. It was all about old-school Nickelodeon for me: “Rocko’s Modern Life,” “The Secret World of Alex Mack,” “Are You Afraid of the Dark?,” “The Adventures of Pete & Pete,” “Blue’s Clues” (In the morning, while I waited for my mother to drive me to school. I’m not ashamed.), “Little Bear,” “Ren and Stimpy,” “All That,” “Space Cases,” Snick, “Doug” — is this bringing back any memories? I would hope so.

Now think of all the pollution that choked the last bit of light out of Nickelodeon: “Zooey 101” (pregnant teenage actresses coming to a television near you), the new “All That,” “Drake and Josh” (I kind of like this one, actually) and some other veiled attempts at previous Nick glory I can’t think of right now. What happened? I can’t even pinpoint a single bad idea in this case; it’s just all a hot, steamy mess. What can we say now, Nick? Do you think you’re influencing anybody’s childhood now? Bad ideas, all of them.

3) Cliché tattoos

Here’s one that I laughed at all the time. Back in the ‘90s, it seems like every female had an obligatory lower back tattoo, usually a butterfly or angel or something else equally stereotypical of “feminine.” On the other hand, I’d see guys getting random Asian characters inked onto their arms. (If they wanted to totally eliminate the risk of not knowing what the letter meant, they opted for something wrap-around and tribal-esque. These people were especially prominent around the time of Lollapalooza in Chicago. Alternative music freaks. Even at a young age, I couldn’t help but wonder why anyone would want to get a tattoo bearing such a striking resemblance to what everyone else in Chicago between the ages of 18-35 had. Tattoos are permanent, and I wasn’t sure why no one was really giving much thought to something they wanted forever imprinted on their bodies.

I suppose it’s not as bad as being a celebrity and inking the subject of another fleeting Hollywood relationship on across your tit, but still. Since when is deciding upon a tattoo akin to deciding what you want to drink for the night? (“Um, I guess I’ll have what everyone else is having, thanks.”) Perhaps something a bit more substantial in meaning would be better? Especially since it’s not coming off. Ever. And if it does, you’ll probably be scarred, anyway — plus, every time you look at the tattoo, all you’ll be able to think about is the shitty image you spent $75 on.

Don’t be fooled by the brevity of this list. I can assure you that humankind is a lot stupider than it looks. I know I shouldn’t say “stupid,” as we’re all prone to mistakes, but come on. I’m still pissed about that whole Nickelodeon mediocrity fiasco. Someone had to have known better.