The Stanford Daily (TSD): How do you draw inspiration from Mr. Obama and his campaign?

Barrack Obamma 08 (BO): I’m not sure you can draw inspiration from Barack Obama. We couldn’t tell you what Barack Obama is right now. We have a sense of it, but I couldn’t give you a dictionary definition. When you see something, that’s Barack Obama.

TSD: What do you hope to accomplish?

BO: We don’t hope much. I guess our slate would try to make Stanford a little bit less of a giant tool shed.

TSD: What makes Stanford a giant tool shed?

BO: The ASSU. It’s more their failures as people, not as a body. These people are total dweebs, every last one of them to a T.

TSD: Would you become total dweebs if you became the ASSU Executives?

BO: No, that’s the whole purpose.

TSD: Who would you label as the biggest dweeb in the ASSU?

BO: I’m insulted you think we know anyone in the ASSU by name. For every name of a person on the ASSU, that would be taking up the place of the name of an obscure band.

TSD: Can you name some of these bands?

BO: Nice try — its gonna take more than that to save you guys.

TSD: So what are you going to do about Old Union?

BO: I don’t care about Old Union. Let the dweebs overtake it. We are more concerned about instituting underground punk Fridays at Memorial Church. If we can’t get MemChu, we’ll book it at Old Union.

TSD: What would you do to bring the Lopez twins back for one more year?

BO: They are going to be pro athletes. That’s really cool. We encourage them to leave and go to a much cooler lifestyle before it’s too late.

TSD: Can you make Stanford cool again? I mean, if it was cool in the first place.

BO: We don’t hold out much hope of being able to change Stanford. We can make it cooler, but we probably can’t make it cool.

TSD: Did it used to be cool?

BO: How the hell would I know? Living in the past has always been cool.

TSD: What do you think about the freshman classes being successively more lame as time goes on?

BO: That’s one of the things that makes me not angry, maybe irked, maybe slightly razzed out of my stupor. Everyone is equally lame here. That’s just upperclassmen trying to bump their chests. It’s like looking at the horizon, it’s just totally lame.

TSD: You’ve mentioned a stupor. Do you smoke?

BO: [Blank stare for 90 seconds] No. We just don’t get enthusiastic.