Many students are glad to note that Furry February has passed, and only those with “felliculaphilia” (an obsession with mustaches, according to Barney on “How I Met Your Mother”) miss the days of Mustache March.

Spring is here, and ‘tis the season to shed that winter coat and join the ranks of the clean-shaven! But let’s face it: shaving that facial hair you’ve been growing for the past two months isn’t all that easy. With the help of freshman Danny Naylor, an avid Furry February participant, I shall lead you through the steps and stages of shaving a beard.

From that fated first day of February, Naylor’s previous chinstrap (a thin layer of fuzz lining only the jawbone) began to explode into facial foliage that ZZ Top would be proud of.

Needless to say, Naylor rose to the ranks of Furry February Hall of Fame, and though he could not participate in Mustache March due to his loyalty to LSJUMB (Naylor plays the Tuba, and a mustache makes it “painful and nearly impossible to play”), he stood by his comrades, bearded in solidarity.

There comes a time in every young man’s life, however, when he must succumb to the frightened looks of passersby and make a little change in his grooming habits. When onlookers began to vocalize such hurtful musings as, “Did Cal lose another hippie?” Naylor knew he had to lather up.

“I decided to shave my beard and buzz my hair,” Naylor recalled, “and all I had was my beard trimmer.”

With his weapon of choice in his hand, he made one swipe over the top of his head, and the batteries died. With a bald streak outlining the center of his head, Naylor knew he was at the point of no return. He proceeded to shave his head in five-minute chunks in between charging his beard trimmer, and then he could procrastinate no longer: It was time to begin on the much-dreaded beard.

Stage 1: Shave The Neck

The shaving of the neck (the part of the beard directly under the chin) is not too difficult, at least in Naylor’s case. The hair that grows here is far less plentiful than that which grows on the jawline, and Naylor was able to use a regular two-blade disposable razor to receive a clean shave on that tender underside. Naylor then sported a Greek-style beard a la King Leonidas, and it was time for the next task.

Stage 2: Play with the Beard

Naylor decided that his Leonidis beard could only be made more epic if he were to spike it with extra-strength gel. He enjoyed his spikey beard for a few moments, feeling like quite the punk-rock Hamlet. However, the gel was no match for the natural tendencies of his facial hair, and his lion’s mane was soon too tame to be fun.

Stage 3: Trim the Excess

Naylor next washed the gel out of his beard and tried to buzz it to make it easier to shave (there was one month’s growth on his cheeks, and three month’s worth on the chinstrap). The beard trimmer couldn’t muster up enough energy to attack his beard, and it completely puttered out. With quick wit, Naylor used a buzz-cut attachment on an electric razor he happened to have, and was able to get the beard down to a stubbled shadow. Naylor was following in the footsteps of Viggo Mortenson in “Lord of the Rings,” and the women flocking by the boys’ restroom stopped dead in their tracks to swoon at his feet. But Naylor was determined to finish the task set out before him.

Stage 4: Shave the Sides

After much consideration over shaping a lightening bolt darting across one cheek and sweeping up his chin to end at the other cheek, Naylor took up his razor and began shaving the left side of his beard. Up the jawbone, starting near his ear, he worked his way down to the chin. After rinsing his face and re-applying shaving cream three times (due to massive amounts of hair that just would not be removed on first swipe), Naylor successfully completed the action on the right side as well.

Stage 5: The Chin

The hairs on Naylor’s chinny chin chin were all that was left. Naylor hadn’t shaved his chin in well over two years, and he knew it was time. After saying goodbye to the bristles, Naylor began shaving his chin from the bottom up.

Now, Naylor walks around campus carefree, with no shouts of “Wrong part of the Bay, Bear!” hitting him in the face. All of this happiness in only one hour. Thank goodness for April.