This column is the second in my occasional “Insane” series. The first was about Ron Paul, which earned me 1000 comments from libertarian nutcases.

Anyway, I love sports. Most of them, anyway: I couldn’t care less about snowboarding or the steeplechase. I don’t even know what the steeplechase is. And because I am a sports fan, the Olympics, the 2008 edition of which approaches late this summer, is to be something I dread, something we all should be dreading, rather than anticipating eagerly.

The most offensive part of the Olympics, which is a sporting event, and only a sporting event, is the sometimes-religious and sometimes-fascist imagery and symbolism that surrounds every aspect of it. The Beijing Olympics Web site erroneously claims that the tradition of the torch relay, which somehow is important enough to take place on every continent, began in ancient Greece. Instead, Hitler first used it in 1936 as part of the Third Reich’s propaganda campaign surrounding the Berlin Games. The interlocking five rings were also introduced in Berlin, although Leni Riefenstahl, a legendary Nazi filmmaker, had them carved into the ancient Olympic site in Greece, giving them the sheen of legitimacy. It’s terrifying that the Olympic Games are using fascist symbols which give the games the visual appearance of being far more important than they should be.

At the same time, Olympic Games promoters use religious imagery. Many official sites call the fire “sacred.” No other major sporting event in the past century would be able to claim the mantle of religious legitimacy and importance, but somehow, the Olympics, which of course had strong origins in pagan ritual, can claim to be sacred. This is sports, remember? It’s just a sporting event! Could the Super Bowl or the World Cup ever use such symbols without being overwhelmed with criticism? This “Olympic exceptionalism” is nuts! The people who made the Games seem so important are multinational corporations and fascists!

It should be noted that the ludicrously named “Olympic Movement,” a collection of organizations that run the games, has zealously maintained a copyright over most Olympic symbols, ensuring that they will only be used by official sponsors. The Olympics is, in essence, a carefully managed brand — far more than it is an actual sporting event.

The Olympics even aspires, ludicrously, to solve world peace, by asking countries to put down their arms during the games. I am not sure how this works, other than simply claiming it’s true, but watching swimming races does not make me suddenly want to love my neighbor. Good luck with that one, China. Those Tibetan protestors will probably be more active, not less, during the Games. The Olympics, which, if you remember, is a sporting event, should not be a part of international politics.

It is likely that giving the Games such importance through what is admittedly brilliant brand management is simply to make it relevant and profitable. This detracts from, rather than adding to, the sporting events that happen to go on during all the advertising and religious moralizing. But there’s one obvious question: without the symbolic importance attached to the Olympics, would more than a few people bother to watch it? It’s hard to care about the steeplechase or rifle shooting. Without the signifiers, “THIS IS THE OLYMPICS! IMPORTANT!” people might not watch. The World Cup, on the other hand, features a sport that billions of people are already passionate about. Without the importance attached to the games (which is really just a construction by the sponsors and the “Olympic Movement”), entire cottage industries would dry up.

Hitler’s biggest contribution, however, is the use of the Olympics for political purposes. What should be a sporting event has been abused time and time again to advance the political agenda of the host countries. Politics goes both ways, though — some countries use the Games to protest the actions of the host countries, as well. In 1980, 65 nations led by the U.S.? boycotted the games in Moscow protesting the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. More recently, the People’s Republic o’ China is guilty of politicizing the Games, as well. The Chinese government certainly intended for these Olympics to legitimize China’s increasing economic and soft power. By using the Games to attend political ends, however, China has opened itself, rightfully, to increasing criticism from pro-democratic countries and human rights groups. Some Chinese have talked about “buyer’s remorse” and the Games costing China more PR than it was worth.

Chances are I will be watching the Olympics this summer, even though Bob Costas is the most annoying person on TV. We’re going to see lots of soft-lit mini-biographies of athletes who overcame adversity to dominate their obscure sport. But everyone watching should treat it for what it is — an enormous festival of obscure sports — rather than ascribe some higher moral, religious or political process to it.

Stuart is currently wikipediaing what “the steeplechase” is. He wonders what steeples are, and why people chase them. If you know, tell him (please!) at sbaimel "at" stanford.edu.