It’s 2008. I don’t own a single robot, I’ve never been to a moon colony, and I’ve just about given up on hoverboards. Yet still I dream about the various futures that great thinkers have envisioned for us-fanciful utopias and frightening dystopias alike. This week, Bracketology’s mission is to decide which of these societies is, for lack of a better word, the coolest. The future is in my hands.

SWEET SIXTEEN

1. “1984” vs. 16. “Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century”

“Zenon” is a Disney Channel classic. But if George Orwell knew I was even thinking about picking it over “1984,” he would take me by the scruff of my neck, drag me into Room 101, cram rats down my throat and kick the doubleplusungood crap out of me. Zedis Lapedis!

EDGE: “1984”

8. “Children of Men” vs. 9. Charlton Heston Movies

“Children of Men” presents a haunting scenario in which the entire globe’s population becomes infertile. But listen to some of the crap Charlton Heston (R.I.P.) has had to deal with in his futuristic movies: a world in which people secretly eat each other, a society of intelligent and bloodthirsty monkeys and a beastly, unrelenting Michael Moore. Okay fine, only two of those are future movies. Still.

EDGE: Charlton flicks.

5. “2001: A Space Odyssey” vs. 12. “Back to the Future: Part II”

In “Back to the Future II,” Marty McFly’s sports almanac claims that Florida wins the World Series in 1997—which really happened—even though the Marlins didn’t actually exist when the movie was made. Strange but true—I like it. Contrastingly, “2001” ends with the main character turning into a giant stupid star baby for no reason. What?

EDGE: Back to the Future.

4. Utopia vs. 13. EPCOT Center

Utopia is Sir Thomas More’s idea of the perfect place, yet the roots of the word mean “no place,” which is quite badass. EPCOT was supposed to be Walt Disney’s version of Utopia but, as always, when you Disney-fy something, it loses its soul. I’m pretty sure Walt didn’t think that his ideal society would ever feature “The Seas With Nemo & Friends.”

EDGE: Utopia.

3. “The Matrix” vs. 14. “V for Vendetta”

Which Wachowski brothers film features the more compelling vision of the future: the one starring the guy wearing a mask, or the one starring the guy whose face moves less than a mask? I’ll take the red pill. Keanu for life.

EDGE: Matrix.

6. “The Giver” vs. 11. “Ender’s Game”

Two books. Two genius boys. Innumerable lame sequels. My arbitrary snap judgment: “The Giver.” (I like the version of the book with the old guy on the cover. Sometimes that’s all it takes.)

EDGE: Giver.

7. “Blade Runner” vs. 10. “Totall Recall”

The Adaptations-of-Philip K. Dick-Novels Bowl! It all comes down to the characters. “Blade Runner” has Harrison Ford, mutant dwarves and replicants. “Total Recall” has Ahnold, more mutant dwarves, a guy with a fetus head in his chest and a three-breasted stripper from Mars. Verdict? “Recall.” That extra boob is key. Men everywhere concur.

EDGE: Total Recall.

2. “The Jetsons” vs. 15. “An Inconvenient Truth”

“The Jetsons,” while noteworthy, got me way too hyped about flying cars. And Rosie doesn’t obey any of the Laws of Robotics. Plus, Elroy just sucks. I’m going to pick the upset and go with Al Gore’s disturbing (and all-too-likely) scenario of global warming (“An Inconvenient Truth” also gets bonus points for somehow making Al cool).

EDGE: Inconvenient Truth.

ELITE EIGHT

1. “1984” vs. 9. Charlton Heston movies

The concept of always being watched is actually more terrifying than having ape masters spray you with high-pressure water hoses. Slightly.

EDGE: 1984.

12. “Back to the Future II” vs. 4. “Utopia”

“Utopia” needs roads. “Back to the Future II” doesn’t.

EDGE: Back to the Future II.

3. “The Matrix” vs. 6. “The Giver”

The Giver would kick the Oracle’s ass.

EDGE: The Giver.

10. “Total Recall” vs. 15. “An Inconvenient Truth”

Hmm, let’s see...Al Gore the political loser telling us the Earth is gonna die? Or Schwarzenegger the political winner bringing oxygen to Mars? My job has never been so easy.

EDGE: Total Recall.

FINAL FOUR

1. “1984” vs. 12. “Back to the Future II”

Big Brother meets his match in Alternate 1985 Universe Biff. The man killed Marty’s Dad, bagged Marty’s mom and, boy, can he predict a horse race or what?

EDGE: Back to the Future II.

6. “The Giver” vs. 10. “Total Recall”

What “The Giver” lacks in boobs, it makes up for in confusing-yet-somehow-rewarding endings.

EDGE: The Giver.

CHAMPIONSHIP

12. “Back to the Future II” vs. 6. “The Giver”

I used to think hoverboarding was the coolest thing of all time, but now I realize that what’s even more awesome is being the recipient of all human memory.

CHAMP: “The Giver.”

MVP: Hypothermia-induced happiness.