If any of you guys (or girls) out there are looking to score points with that special woman in your life — or if you’re like me and are trying to attract one — be sure to make a big fuss over this coming Saturday, March 8. Buy her flowers, tell her you like her for her, and try your hardest to listen to what she says while nodding obsequiously. If you’re really aiming for the stars, do that thing in bed she likes when you cross your legs standing on your head. Ya know, so that she can [CENSORED BY THE STANFORD DAILY] until there’s confetti everywhere and you both climax in a double fugue? It’ll make her weak.

What’s so special about Saturday? First off, it very well may be the week, month or anniversary of some special occasion in your relationship, in which case you’re screwed if you don’t do something. More importantly, though, March 8 is recognized by the United Nations as International Women’s Day.

According to a pop-up window that I can’t get to close on my browser, every March 8 since the early 1900s, women throughout the world have held events to celebrate their achievements and bring attention to their continued struggles. While many large-scale festivities mark this occasion, the pop-up window continues, there is also a rich and diverse fabric of local activity on this day — from political rallies and business conferences to local craft markets and theatrical performances — which aims to connect and inspire women across the globe.

Now, I’ve made perfectly clear that I don’t buy this whole “male/female” binary; after a healthy dose of Saturday Night Live “Pat” sketches and Vegas exotic dancer confusions, I’ve learned not to ask for definitions where none may exist. Nevertheless, as I’m sure many of you know (from personal experience), I have quite a soft spot for that group with amorphous boundaries that I’m told are commonly referred to as “women.”

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Vishnu, if you love women so much, then why do you endorse Barack Obama, condemning Hillary to irrelevancy? As a direct result of your actions, she’ll soon drop out of the race with the endorsements of The New York Times and ‘Stu’s Views’ as the only thing she’ll have to show for her campaign.”

Hey Hills, you wanna know why I didn’t support you? I’ll keep it simple: you once said that you were delighted to be the Senator from Punjab. Well guess what, akka, this thumbi is from Tamil Nadu. We have no love.

That being said, friends, International Women’s Day gives us a lot upon which to reflect. It’s undeniable that the world’s females face a unique set of challenges, and it’s undeniable that the primary source of many of their aggravations is men. Although this 750-word article can’t even begin to scratch the surface of women’s problems and the way in which men can be part of the solution, I’d like to discuss a couple of sad news items that recently caught my eye.

Sad news item #1: In January, Mexico City began running women-only buses to insulate them from all-too-frequent male gropers. Women filed about one complaint every day regarding sexual incidents on public transportation. The full extent of the problem is likely much greater, since — either because of cultural assumptions or their belief that the police don’t care — most women don’t report men’s lecherous behavior.

Simple solution: Sandbox rules, fellas. Keep your hands to yourself!

Sadder news item #2: A recent World Health Organization survey found that more than one in five Namibian women report being sexually abused before the age of 15, with the perpetrators often being relatives. African children also face the risk of sexual abuse at school. Half of Malawian schoolgirls surveyed claimed that male teachers or classmates had touched them in a sexual manner without their permission. Tragically, the amount of sexual abuse in South Africa, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Uganda, Kenya, Sierra Leone and other African countries appears to be on the rise.

Oversimplified solution: See supra.

Of course, it’s worth noting that the cultural barriers to the implementation of what Westerners consider gender equality are quite formidable. I hope that what’s equally obvious, however, is that addressing women’s issues across the globe will take more than a day.

Want to hear more? Fax me at vishnus "at"

stanford.edu.