The best way to avoid getting sick is to become as anti-social as humanly possible. In the best-case scenario, you’ve somehow managed to cheat the Draw and have your own room. This way, you can avoid catching any of the germs that your roommate or roommate’s significant other is going to bring into your room. Hopefully, you also drew into Manzanita, where contact with your fellow dormmates is going to be unlikely. Once you’ve accomplished this, hole yourself up in your room for the remainder of the quarter, and this should prevent the flu.

Since there are a limited number of singles in Manzanita, I assume that most of you will have to be more creative in your attempts to avoid all human contact. If you have a roommate, I suggest you use dorm programming to your advantage and find them a hot date for Screw Your Roommate. With any luck, they will be flung into a romance and will end up in their newfound love’s room. Then you will have a really sweet single. This works best when the date does not live in the dorm so they won’t both be around you the whole time.

The next thing to do is to make sure you cut out all partying whatsoever, especially any parties at SAE. The combination of alcohol, cold weather and skimpy clothes at midnight in February is the perfect storm for illness. This is also the perfect opportunity for someone with a cold to cozy up you. Stay away from them. I promise they have cooties.

Dining is another potential disaster zone for contact with people because most people want to be social. My suggestion is to bring a book and make no eye contact with anyone at all, and appear irritated if someone tries to talk to you. And, whatever you do, make sure you check your dishes in the dining hall. I can’t remember how many times I have found dirty dishes in with clean ones. My friend swears that she got mono this way and not from the boys she’d been kissing.

You should also avoid going to class, especially in the rain. In fact, the next time it is raining you should stay in and take a nap. If you absolutely must go to class, sit as far away from your peers as possible. Which probably means you should sit right in front of the room in the center where the lecturer can see you. Or you can become IHUM girl or boy and then people will avoid you entirely.

Another way to get to people to avoid you is to refuse to dress yourself properly in the morning and to appear considerably angry with the world. People will be annoyed by your dark demeaner and will not want to touch you. I don’t recommend not bathing, however, because then you will be dirty, and that just means a lot of germs.

If you manage to be completely anti-social, then you probably won’t have to go to Vaden at all during this lovely flu season and will avoid any and all embarrassing questions about whether you could be pregnant or not, and further contact with sick people in the waiting room.

Happy Flu Season!