The leading presidential candidates — Barack Obama and John McCain — have probably created vice-presidential search committees by now, in order to scope out the minor governors and lesser senators who will best allow the candidates to pander specifically to one geographic region or demographic.

So many names are being tossed about that it’s hard to keep track of who is even a serious V.P. candidate. Obama seems to be considering everyone from Ohio Governor Ted Strickland to Kansas Governor Kathleen Sibelius to Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano. McCain appears to be considering Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty and pretty much every Southern governor. Has anyone heard of these people? Didn’t think so. To the average American voter, I am as well-known, which is to say, not at all. That’s why I, Stuart Baimel, should be considered for Vice President of the United States of America.

The search for a vice president is always fraught with high drama — John Kerry picked the Southerner John Edwards as his running mate, and they proceeded to lose every Southern state by at least 10 points. George W. Bush, if you remember, put Dick Cheney in charge of his V.P. search committee, and Cheney promptly chose himself. Al Gore picked Joe Lieberman, who was so scarred by the experience that he now endorses John McCain.

The amount of time it takes a presidential candidate to choose a vice president, however, has no relation to the amount of power the office holds. Anyone who watches football knows the role of the backup quarterback: to hold the clipboard and attempt to look relevant. Everyone knows he isn’t. Cheney has, to a great degree, redefined the office, but it’s much more due to Cheney-as-political-operator than Cheney-as-Vice-President. He would be just as powerful if he were in the Cabinet. Whoever will be next V.P., the office will be far less relevant.

Barack Obama or John McCain should still pick me for vice president, though — both of them, preferably, or at least one. I think I am a good candidate for the job and will be an asset on the campaign trail.

It’s unlikely, however, that either will put me in charge of their vice-presidential search committee. This is a shame. A travesty. I’m pretty much overqualified for it, as I clearly think about being vice president a lot, and, as I have discovered throughout my life, thinking about things generally makes you good at them. Maybe they are hesitant because they know that I would dispense with the formalities and just pick myself.

“Obama-Baimel 2008” has a ring to it, doesn’t it? In any case, Obama makes the case that there is an inverse relationship between judgment and experience. Hillary Clinton is more experienced and therefore possesses worse judgment (or is she less judgmental?). No one has less political experience than I do. Thus, no one has better judgment than I do. Whenever I offer an opinion, I offer it assertively and forcefully, usually with no evidence or past experience at all. I am always right.

I can offer John McCain a lot as well. He’s 71, I’m 21. Nothing spells “successor” like a vice president who is significantly younger than the president. McCain appears to be considering Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, who is 47 and would clearly be his anointed heir. Forty-seven is still pretty old, though, and he’ll be pushing 55 in 2016. But I can offer youth now and youth two terms later. Plus, McCain is sometimes regarded as a Washington insider, and there is no one, no one, who is farther from the Beltway than I am, unless you count people in Alaska and Hawai’i (and I don’t).

There will be one little problem with the Constitution — apparently you have to be 35 to be the Veep. The Paultards, during my war of attrition on them, claimed I “don’t have respect for the Constitution,” but they’re wrong. I have a lot of respect for the Constitution, but I know it can be changed. Maybe I can slip in unnoticed on an Obama-Baimel or McCain-Baimel ticket. I can even grow an enormous moustache to look older. I’ll have to face the law in 2016, though, when I run for president and face greater scrutiny. But by then I’m sure the Constitution will be amended to allow Arnold to run for president, just in time for me to defeat him in a nationally televised best-of-seven arm-wrestling match.

Two-term Kansas Governor Kathleen Sibelius has a chance — why not me?

To Senators Obama and McCain: Stuart Baimel is currently waiting by his cell phone, expecting some calls any minute now. You can also reach him at sbaimel "at" stanford.edu.