This week, in honor of Intermission’s short story competition, Bracketology takes on a literary theme. More specifically, I’m concerned with finding out which character, in all of world literature, is the biggest badass of them all. And what, you say, makes a literary badass? Is it heroic deeds? Sexual prowess? A cool disability? Don’t turn that page, dear reader — your answers are right here.

SWEET SIXTEEN

1. Atticus Finch vs. 16. Johnny Tremain

Two American heroes square off! Johnny Tremain has a molten silver disfigured hand and my little sister had a crush on him. Pretty badass. But Atticus a) inspires millions of people to go to law school every year, b) secretly started the civil rights movement and c) makes me stand up just thinking about him. Respect. EDGE: Atticus.

8. Nurse Ratched vs. 9. Chief Bromden

These two characters from “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” get major bonus points since a tripped-out Ken Kesey actually invented them on this very campus. I have this mental picture of him slaving over the manuscript while he downs a spiked Jamba Juice at Tresidder. Anyway, as far as the match-up goes: lobotomies are a hell of a lot freakier than pillows. EDGE: Ratched.

5. Gandalf vs. 12. Old Ben

We all know that Gandalf struggles with huge monsters, as evidenced by his little run-in with the Balrog. And Old Ben, William Faulkner’s ferocious Escalade-sized bear, is as beastly as they come. Add in the fact that 12 seeds historically upset fives during March Madness, and it all leads to one shocking conclusion. Gandalf, you shall not . . . pass! EDGE: Old Ben.

4. Sherlock Holmes vs. 13. Odysseus

Cunning versus Crafty. It all comes down to their vices. Odysseus had a nasty habit of getting “trapped” on islands for years with beautiful goddesses. Sherlock’s major weakness was his dependence on cocaine. But this was only because his brain was too awesome for normal states of consciousness. Sherlock puts Odysseus in his pipe and smokes him. EDGE: Sherlock.

3. Jay Gatsby vs. 14. Holden Caulfield

Gatsby is an opulent stud who throws better parties than Hefner. Holden is a self-obsessed prep school drop-out who forever enabled our nation’s teenagers to be angsty. I’ve got to go with the American Dreamer over the American Emo-er. EDGE: Gatsby.

6. Captain Ahab vs. 11. Beowulf

Ahab lamely lost his manhood to Moby Dick, while Beowulf, at least according to Robert Zemeckis, concealed his naked lower half behind a variety of goblets and candles (Austin Powers-style!). I’ve got to reward that penile ingenuity. EDGE: Beowulf and Little Beowulf.

7. Dean Moriarty vs. 10. Florentino Ariza

A contest of Casanovas. Florentino, of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s “Love in the Time of Cholera,” literally bedded 622 different women. Wilt Chamberlain approves. But that’s not as good as this: Dean, from Jack Kerouac’s “On the Road,” lost his virginity when he was nine. Nine! Reader, what were you up to when you were nine? I was collecting Beanie Babies. Not babes. EDGE: Dean.

2. Mr. Darcy vs. 15. Mr. Rochester

Darcy set frustratingly unrealistic standards for men. He’s somehow convinced womankind that all guys look like young Colin Firth, ooze with cash and secretly love them. Meanwhile, Jane Eyre’s Edward Rochester knows the two secrets to being a badass: 1. Get blinded in a fire. 2. Lock your crazy wife in the attic and pretend she doesn’t exist. EDGE: Rochester.

ELITE EIGHT:

1. Atticus vs. 8. Ratched

Good > Evil. Atticus is my boy. EDGE: Atticus.

12. Old Ben vs. 4. Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock could easily outsmart a bear, high out of his mind or not. EDGE: Sherlock.

3. Gatsby vs. 11. Beowulf

Gatsby is a certifiable G. And no one actually wants to read Beowulf. EDGE: Gatsby.

7. Dean vs. 15. Rochester

Nine. Nine. Nine! EDGE: Dean.

FINAL FOUR:

1. Atticus vs. 4. Sherlock

The one mystery Sherlock can’t solve is why Atticus Finch is so perfect. EDGE: Atticus.

3. Gatsby vs. 7. Dean

Dean gets all the action. Gatsby’s got all the cash. My verdict? All about the Benjamins. EDGE: Gatsby.

CHAMPIONSHIP

1. Atticus vs. 3. Gatsby

Gatsby wastes his time and money pining for long-lost love. Atticus fights for racial justice, reads to his kids and shoots rabid dogs. Ladies and gentlemen, the baddest mofo in literature.

CHAMP: Atticus.

MVP: Gregory Peck’s forceful stare.