WAITER: Welcome to the Dandridge Golf and Country Club. I trust you’re enjoying yourself?

FRANCO: Oh, absolutely.

WAITER: Great, great. Can I take your order?

FRANCO: Oh, yes. So the, uh — the “Seafood Wrap.” Does that come with a side?

WAITER: Of course — you have the option of fries, salad or the soup of the day.

FRANCO: Wonderful. And it comes in a flour tortilla?

WAITER: Yes, that’s right.

FRANCO: How about the suspension of habeas corpus?

WAITER: Excuse me?

FRANCO: Oh, nothing, nothing. How about the BLT?

WAITER: What about it?

FRANCO: What’s the choice of breads?

WAITER: Well, we have white, wheat, sourdough and a low-carb option in a spinach wrap.

FRANCO: Do you have anything a little more genocidal?

WAITER: Huh?

FRANCO: Oh, no, sorry — I meant xenophobic.

WAITER: Wait a second —

FRANCO: No, no, no — God, this is so embarrassing — “mayonnaise.” I meant mayonnaise.

WAITER: You’re not . . . one of those, are you?

FRANCO: What? Oh, God, no.

WAITER: Because you sound a little like . . . You know.

FRANCO: No, I get that a lot, though. I think it’s the hat.

WAITER: I don’t know, I mean, you’re always wearing a military uniform of indeterminate rank.

FRANCO: Well, I was an Army man.

WAITER: There are signs posted all around the club that describe proper swimming attire, and yet you insisted on wearing your epaulets in the pool.

FRANCO: I like the weight on my shoulders.

WAITER: Plus, there are the banners you’ve put up around the clubhouse, and the cheering, homogenous crowds of people that constantly position themselves downhill from you . . .

CHEERING, HOMOGENOUS CROWD: (Distantly) Fraaancoooo! Fraaancoooo!

WAITER: . . . It all makes you look a lot like . . .

FRANCO: Don’t say it.

WAITER: You’re one of the Beatles, aren’t you?

FRANCO: Excuse me?

WAITER: You’re one of the Beatles! Oh my God! I can’t believe it! Which one are you? No, don’t say it. Let me guess.

FRANCO: I don’t think . . .

WAITER: George! No, Ringo! Wait, which is the other one?

FRANCO: I’m not one of the Beatles.

WAITER: Play “Yellow Submarine.”

MUSSOLINI and HITLER: (Entering) Hey, Franco.

WAITER: John! Paul!

Meanwhile . . .

GENERAL: Wonderful timing, sir. You’re just in time to see us shovel these gypsies into their cages.

RINGO: I’d like that.