Babies are everywhere these days. You simply can’t get away from them, no matter how hard you try. They’re crowding you on the subways, taking up large amounts of space with their strollers and getting their snot all over you when they cry. Why, even my sister back in Austin, Texas, is having a baby. It’s kind of ridiculous. But what is even more ridiculous is our current obsession with these miniature humans. We just can’t seem to get enough of them. Everything in our being cries out, “More babies! MORE!” Every magazine we read, every online blog that pops up in our Web browser — even our local weekly Intermission is mentioning babies.

Celebrities are reproducing, and their spawn are so ridiculously, ridiculously good looking that their powers are mounting faster than you can say “Who’s your baby’s daddy?” And these babies are hot stuff. These babies take being a baby to the next level. They are super-star babies, rising high and sparkling bright in the limelight that is the never-ending hazy glow of flashing neon bulbs and signs. It is these celebrity babies that really leave us craving more.

Now why is it, some of you may wonder? Why is there such a cult-like obsession with these proverbial pre-pre-pubescents? For some, the answer to that question is clear. They’re cute. And stylish too. Whether they are adopted or not, babies are definitely what’s “in.” Maybe this has something to do with the human race’s propensity to increase their fitness via reproduction. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that being pregnant gives you an excuse to look less than your best. More than likely, though, it is probably the fact that baby clothes are just so fun to look at, and what could be better than a real live doll to dress up and coo at?

Of course, there is the inevitable side effect of having to clean off their butts every time the do the doo, but you can always get someone else to take care of that last bit. Especially if you’re a celebrity. Indeed, as a celebrity, it appears that it is your God-given task to populate the planet with beautiful people. Just look at the outrageous amount of adorableness that can be supplied by such celebrity offspring as Violet Affleck (daughter of the gorgeous duo Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner), Gwen Stefani’s little one Kingston Rossdale and everyone’s favorite little scientologist, Suri Cruise. Man oh man, do they make their parents’ paparazzi points sky-rocket! Nothing says photogenic like a having a little copy of you by your side.

But if you take a step back and give yourself a chance to actually analyze this line of thinking, this obsession with celebrity babies is kind of disturbing. I mean, sure, they’re cute, but geez louise, do there really need to be 50 plus celebrity baby blogs detailing the comings and goings of each and every famous couple that has a child? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who is out to save the beautiful people from the exploitation of photo-frenetic individuals who have nothing better to do with their lives than take snapshots of people with such lofty stature — no, not at all. I think when these kids get into the entertainment business they have to realize they are taking the glam with the glum, the good with the bad. But to put all this pressure on kids who have no clue who they are, or why their parents are given the status of a divinity to to be worshiped by the masses, to expose these kids to this kind of lifestyle is just upsetting. They’re babies — precious, tiny beings that shouldn’t have to deal with all that fecal matter.

Believe it or not, and as lame and corny as it sounds, celebrities really are just people, like the rest of us. Their babies are no more baby-tastic than ours, so we just should just let up on the baby craze. And if celebrities and their offspring continue to have such an elevated status, it is the consumer’s fault. America is messed up in that way, but what can you do? Keep on keeping on and take your place in the midst of it all. Remember, complacency is key when it comes to changing society. And writing snarky articles about celebrity babies and using them to get on your high-horse, ranting and raving about the absurdity of current culture helps too. Yeah.