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Newsvine(to see the Stanfordopoly board, check out a paper copy of The Daily).
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OFFICIAL STANFORDOPOLY(r) RULES
OBJECT:
The object of the game is to maintain a veneer of relaxation and cool as your mind gradually vibrates itself into numbness. Also: California girls!
EQUIPMENT:
The equipment consists of a six-sided die, 8183-acre board (find a big table!), some of the brightest intellects of their generation and all your parents’ money. Additionally, we provide six pewter tokens: a sorority girl, a grad student, a guy carrying his skateboard up a hill, a hippie, a premed erotically choking herself and a little Scottie dog.
PLAY:
All players begin with $38,400, administered by the bank. This is the seed of the capital you will use to purchase property and utilities, thereby winning the game.
As soon as you place your token on the “ADMISSION” square, give $38,400 of your money back to the bank. You are now a student!
Now, roll the die and move left, in the direction of the arrow (Note: if you are an Econ student, move right). If you land on a square containing a house and your draw number is low enough, congratulations — you have a place to live. If your draw number is high, hoo boy — looks like you’re living in the Crothers basement, dickwad.
If you land on “CHANCE” or “SPECIAL FEES,” pick a card. This is where the magic happens: will you be hit on by a TA? Win an intramural game? Get mocked in the Chappie? Don’t worry — no one cares. There is, however, always a possibility that the card you draw will have monetary consequences. Maybe you mug an old lady, or mug a freshman or Midwestern tourist — the possibilities are endless! No matter where your windfall comes from, know that it will allow you to buy nearly a quarter of your textbooks. Alternately, Green Library (not pictured) has your materials available for convenient 10-minute intervals on Tuesdays from 3 to 4 p.m.
Once you make a full circuit (and hopefully learn something about friendship and real estate along the way!), just pay your $38,400 again and start over, poorer and inexplicably stricken with focal dystonia in the lips, just like in real life. That is, after all, ultimately the purpose of Stanfordopoly — to provide a realistic portrayal of the outside world, so you don’t ever have to leave.