As the summer wears on, our computer nerd pallor evolves into crispy tans, fat school year savings dwindle down to just enough money to under-tip the server at your local pub and that once-in-a-lifetime dream internship you bragged to all your friends about in June is starting to show its gulag streak. Whether it’s out of boredom or because you got fired from your real job (I swear that camper was legal!), this might be the perfect time to pick up a summer job on the side. Here are some options that will pad your wallet and your resume.

*On the Resume: Freelance Marketing Consultant*

In Actuality: Charge incoming freshman a modest fee to inject a little cool into their Facebook profiles. For us, Facebook is a mere social accessory, but for those adorable oh-leveners who have yet to spend a night in a Wilbur twin extra-long, Facebook is the entirety of their Stanford social existence. Help them put their best faces forward by deleting “hilarious” quotes from their beloved AP calc teachers, adding a few intriguing interests and putting is-my-zombie-LOLcat-graffiti-hot-or-not applications in the trash where they belong. And for the love of Pete, convince them to get rid of those Myspace bathroom-mirror-and-camera-phone pictures while there’s still time to avoid social pariah-hood.

Earning Potential: $10 per profile — but if their favorite quote is “Carpe Diem,” it’s going to cost extra.

*On the Resume: Director of Transportation*

In Actuality: Help your friends avoid DUIs by moonlighting as a professional designated driver. Since 5-SURE is closed for the summer, horn in on their territory by shuttling your wastey-faced friends from bar to bar. Since there are only two or three actual bars in Palo Alto, you’ll pay almost nothing for gas. Bonus: Drunk people are usually quite generous tippers. Just be sure they don’t let their generosity overflow onto your upholstery.

Earning Potential: $20/hour plus an 38% gratuity.

*On the Resume: Personal Relations*

In Actuality: Have you had personal relations of the adult variety with a highly placed campus administrator or government official? If not, are you good enough at Photoshop to manipulate photos to imply the contrary? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to blackmail them. I’m just suggesting you let them know about the evidence in your possession and negotiate a hefty monetary reward in exchange for your sustained silence. Oh. I guess I am telling you to blackmail them.

Earning Potential: Infinite. This isn’t the sort of thing you want to try more than once, but if you play your cards right it can result in a cushy job in a corrupt organization. Hello, paid vacation time.

*On the Resume: Sales Manager*

In Actuality: Peddle the junk that’s been clogging your room since freshman year to naãve tourists and grad students. Every year when you pack your room you vow to simplify, so why not do it and make a few bucks in the process. Set up a card table filled with your old Ashlee Simpson posters and stolen dining hall coffee mugs and pawn everything off on the highest bidder. If you can wait until NSO, you can make a bundle convincing future Branner-ites that only a Freon-leaking mini-fridge full of warm Natty Lites (only $5 a can!) will make them cool.

Earning Potential: $100-$600

*On the Resume: Screenwriter*

In Actuality: Write Will Ferrell’s next hit comedy. Step 1: Choose a marginally humorous sport (hint: ice skating, Nascar, soccer and basketball have been done; midget-tossing has not). Step 2: Drink a handle of Southern Comfort. Step 3: Club yourself on the head with the empty bottle until you pass out. Voila! Now just wipe the drool off your computer screen, dumb the draft down a little bit and it’s sure to be next summer’s big blockbuster. Just don’t forget to write in Rob Schneider’s obligatory racist cameo.

Earning Potential: $500,000-$1,000,000.