During these three months without dorm events or frat parties, you may be feeling a little deprived of gossip. Fortunately, summer is prime season for celebrity dirt. So read on to find out who’s in, who’s out and who’s doing the ol’ in-out-in-out. (Hint: Jessica Simpson with just about everyone except John Mayer.)

Christian Bale may be taking the title “American Psycho” too seriously: For a scene in his latest film, “Rescue Dawn,” he ate an entire bowlful of live maggots. Director Werner Herzog told reporters that he wanted to steer away from CGI animation of the creepy scene so that audiences would be able “to believe their eyes again.” Um, I see where you’re going with this, Wern, but if you want to make the movie feel authentic, why not just shoot the sex scenes for realsies?

Apparently Apple will let just about anyone get on the wait list for their iPhones. This weekend, Lindsay Lohan was photographed pretty smugly snuggling up to the haute little device. Of course, this doesn’t make up for the fact that she’s still in rehab, still under investigation for her DUI and still hasn’t made a hit movie since 2004. But maybe her wardens will let her knit a cute little phone cover during arts and crafts time in her rehab center.

Amy Winehouse is already bored with her, like, 15 seconds of fame. During a recent interview with Spin magazine, the tattooed, heavy-drinking songstress apparently cursed a blue streak and said she plans on leaving the music industry in the near future. Then she took a mirror shard and carved the phrase “I love Blake [Fielder-Civil, her husband]” into her stomach—right before the reporter’s eyes. Aww, and they say romance is dead. It’s just masochistic.

Michael Jackson’s friends and family are planning an intervention in hopes that it may save the pop singer’s life. Apparently, he has been using the boring downtime between felony charges to self-medicate on booze and anti-depressants. Insiders said they knew he was plummeting to rock bottom when he was witnessed vomiting blood. Come on, guys, let’s leave the man be. Frankly, of all the bodily fluids that could come out of Michael Jackson, blood is the one we should be least concerned about.

Spice Girls fans rejoice! Decade-long rumors of an official Spice Girls Reunion tour have finally been confirmed! Unfortunately, the girls seem to hate each other even more now than they did when the group broke up in 1998. There has been major behind-the-scenes friction as Geri “Ginger” Halliwell refuses to make group appearances, Mel “Scary” Brown consistently runs late to interviews, and the two no one cares about try to force-feed Victoria “Posh” Beckham.

Speaking of Mel B, a recent paternity test confirmed her claims that the father of her two-month-old child is Eddie Murphy, despite his vehement denials of any relationship. Happy late Father’s Day, Eddie, whether you like it or not. But whatever you do, please don’t star in yet another “Shrek” rehash just to scrape up the child support.

It’s been a tough few weeks for Britney Spears. The single mom of two has been spotted partying hard in L.A., and has publicly refused support from her own mother, Lynne Spears. The rift finally became so embittered that a few days ago, Britney delivered a restraining order to her mother, who, afterwards, reportedly sat on her trailer steps in utter shock. Yes, her trailer. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

Oh, and apparently something happened with Paris Hilton this week, too. She got out of prison and then found God while being interviewed by Barbara Walters. But honestly, who even cares anymore? With all the crazy stuff going down in Hollywood right now, Paris is actually starting to look somewhat normal.