God, I love being degraded. I love to be bought, used and trashed. This is what your fork would say to you if it could talk. That is, if your fork were biodegradable.

A biodegradable fork looks like a little fork that could. It’s not quite as sharp or shiny as your standard white plastic utensil, but it’s sturdy and beige and gets the job done. You may, in fact, have seen some biodegradable forks as of late. It seems that these snazzy items of cutlery are taking the campus by secret storm. I say secret because for the most part, these utensils, plates and takeaway cartons have slid into place slyly and without fanfare. They’ve been the product of student initiatives, dining hall efforts and cafe participation. All of this is well and good, but the effort has been unfortunately disjointed.

But before we address the disjointedness, these little beacons of environmentalism deserve some fanfare, and indeed some explanation. Stanford’s biodegradables unfortunately seem to be the cause of great bewilderment. While I was lunching at Tresidder yesterday, a young man accidentally bit into his biodegradable fork. He swallowed, gasped and turned to his friend. “I ate it,” he said. “I ate it accidentally. Will I be alright?” Yes, poor soul. You will be alright.

Not only are people baffled, apparently, about how to use their biodegradables, but they’re also confused about how to get rid of them. This is not their fault. The main thing to be understood about biodegradables is this: They need to be composted. If thrown into a normal trash bin, they will be burned (bad news) or put into a land fill, where they won’t be able to biodegrade (also bad news).

At the Tresidder eateries, a noble week-long campaign was recently waged by students endeavoring to educate their peers about the new biodegradable plates and utensils. These intrepid souls stood next to newly installed composting bins and exhorted their fellow students to dispose of their waste properly. A whole slew of things can be composted in Tresidder, including food waste and napkins, as well as the new biodegradable products.

Biodegradables are also coming to a boozed-up party near you, thanks to the efforts of the diligent Kathy Cooper ‘09, a student who has managed to locate biodegradable cups as replacements for iconic Red Cups, which are non-recyclable and are wasted in the thousands every weekend. These biodegradable replacement cups have made successful appearances at Sigma Nu and Sigma Chi parties, and Kathy is continuing her efforts to phase them in throughout the Row. These cups need merely be put in the Row houses’ compost bins, and they’ll biodegrade quietly and virtuously. At last, the opportunity to add a bit of self-righteous environmentalism to a drunken night of debauchery!

However, not every location on campus that provides biodegradables has a composting bin or instructions about how to compost. There’s really no use purchasing biodegradables, which are slightly more expensive than regular utensils, if you’re not going to also have a compost bin and educate people about how to use it. It’s a waste of time and money. The necessary compost bins are notably absent from both LateNite and the CoHo.

I can’t be mad about this, because at least they’re trying to phase in the biodegradables, but I do know that integrating them into our campus eateries would be easier if we had someone in charge of it all. So far, the initiative to use biodegradables has come mainly from students, who played a huge part in introducing these products to Tresidder and other campus eateries. Stanford Dining has also taken up the cause.

Right now, the University is burgeoning with sustainability movements. There’s the Woods Institute, land use programs, recycling programs and sustainability coordinators who are scattered throughout like liberally thrown confetti. But what good does scattering do for anyone when what we really need is cohesion?

No matter how diligently the students who are trying to make these biodegradables work, time and money are going to be lost if we don’t get a central force behind this . Which is why I was surprised and most of all pleased to hear that the University recently decided to create a central sustainability office that will hopefully be operational at the start of the next school year. Hopefully, this office will coordinate with students to provide the invaluable service of pulling it all together and setting some official standards of accountability. Your little bio-spoon isn’t going to degrade itself.

And in case you were interested: Gentle reader, you can pick up biodegradable utensils, plates, etc. at locations such as Ciao Cafe, Arbuckle Cafe, Tresidder, the CoHo, the 750 pub, Lag LateNite, and others. You can purchase morally upright cups from World Centric, and you can learn more about biodegradable gear at biodegradablestore.com

If you need to get drunk but only have Red Cups, email Ruth McCann at ruthmccann@

stanford.edu for booze (and cups).