Friday:

Grad Student Party in Rains:

“I am from Poland. Where are you from?”

“She’s international, too!”

“You are international?”

“No.” Biting glance at friend. “My dad immigrated from Norway. I am from Sacramento.”

“Norway! Come drink with us! Norway! Norway! Norway!”

“Yeah, Norway...go drink with them. I’ll meet you later.”

Polish grad student hitting on two female undergrads. One apparently from Norway. The other in a black jumper. 11:43 p.m.

“I have never seen such a sausage fest at Stanford before.”

“It’s because all of the female grad students are ugly, so they don’t get invited.”

“Is this what we have to look forward to?”

“I suppose that by then we will be ugly, as well.”

“Well, strike while the iron is hot, then, right? The guy not wearing pants is sort of cute.”

More undergraduate girls trapped at foreign grad man-student party. One in a tank-top and jeans, the other in a dress with leggings. 11:52 p.m.

Saturday:

Theta Chi Special Dinner After Party:

“I think that I want to draw into Theta Chi next year.”

“Yeah! Me too! Someone told me that to live in Theta Chi, you hade to be down to do three things: drugs, sex and rocking out. And the Weird Party, the naked deck, coed showers...sounds so great!”

“Do you have to do those things to live in Theta Chi?”

“Well, I mean, no one forces you...”

“Hmm. Maybe I’ll rush instead.”

Misguided freshman in a flouncy white skirt talking to a boy in Carhartts and a green t-shirt. Near the bar. 10:34 p.m.

“My face is feeling the vibrations of the music. It’s so crazy!”

“That’s because you’re standing in front of the speakers.”

“No, it’s because I’m fucking high, motherfucker! High five!”

Girl with extra-sensitive face and blue or purple wig talking to a girl with short, curly, brown hair. Next to the speakers in the lounge. 9:52 p.m.

“What’s a noodle ring?”

“It’s like a bundt of noodles.”

“Do you put something in the middle?”

“No. Definitely not.”

“I just can’t understand the ring. Why a noodle ring?”

“Because otherwise it would be called a noodle sphere or a noodle cube, not a noodle ring.”

“Touché.”

Inquisitive brown-haired boy in a red shirt talking to a girl in a navy-blue dress. In the kitchen. 11:43 p.m.

“I am going to rock your world!”

“I can’t wait for you to show me...”

“It’s going to be amazing.”

“Let’s do it in the hallway!”

“Oh my god, what a great idea!”

Twenty minutes later, Snooper goes to the second floor of Theta Chi. Couple is playing Connect Four in the hallway. And aggressively flirting. Those wild co-op kids! Boy in white t-shirt, medium-slim build. Girl in low-cut tank-top, blue eyes, brown hair. 10:13 p.m.

“Come out to help erect the dome! The great dome!”

No one responds.

“I will not stop yelling on this megaphone until people come out, and help erect the dome!”

Girl smears seven-layer dip on face. All other visible people remain unresponsive.

“Guys, we have worked hard all day to erect this dome. All I ask is that a few people help us to lift the dome. Again, I will not stop on the megaphone until someone helps us.”

No one responds. Man on megaphone, shirtless and wearing a marching band hat, stops yelling on the megaphone and dejectedly walks back outside. Snooper swears she saw tears. In the dining room. 11:38 p.m.