If you’ve been wondering why Tresidder Express has been sold out of hand mirrors recently, it’s because of what’s heating up Annenberg Auditorium. You guessed it — vaginas of the world rejoice! Stanford’s rendition of “The Vagina Monologues,” Eve Ensler’s national phenomenon, is everything it’s talked up to be and so much more. Oooo ohhh OHHHHHH so much more. This provocative and daring new performance stretches the mind and explodes with excitement from the start — like some unfortunate men.

Naturally, guys and gals will have entirely different reactions to the monologues. Guys might (and probably should) have a tough time comprehending the intricacies of TVM. (By the way, don’t think we abbreviate because we’re afraid to say the word. Vagina, vagina, VAGINA! It’s really no big deal — trust us, we’re experts). Perhaps the simplest way to characterize the performance is like this: Imagine the exact opposite of a sausage fest. Mix in feminism and a dash of emotion. Finally, drench the whole concoction in estrogen. If you can figure out how to work the oven, bake on scorching HIGH heat and you have the essence of “The Vagina Monologues.”

Make no mistake about it, the play was designed by and for women. This is not to say that curious and relationship savvy men (and who isn’t?) should steer clear. As a matter of fact, men should see it in their own best interest. Any guy who claims to know all the ‘ins and outs’ of the ‘vertical smile’ is lying to himself. After all, if a woman has to take a personal journey to understand her own coochi snorcher, then men really need to do some intense investigating if they hope to have a shot.

Let’s get to the point. Vaginas are socially taboo. They just are. Thankfully, everything about “The Vagina Monologues” screams the opposite. Of course, the vagina symbolizes much more than a physical organ; it represents womanhood and femininity. Getting to know your vagina means getting to know yourself. Emotional and physical sexual abuse rob women everywhere of sexual identity, which is a significant part of personhood. Though “The Vagina Monologues” is entertaining, it offers an underlying message that women truly need to develop a personal relationship with their vaginas. Vaginas deserve respect.

If you can’t make it to the show, which is truly regrettable, here are 10 tidbits:

1. Vaginas are supposed to have hair. It’s the lawn around the yard. The leaf around the flower.

2. Vaginas > penises.

3. Sexual abuse and vaginal mutilation should not be ignored...Think about it.

4. When your girlfriend calls her vagina a furry oyster, it’s okay. When you call it that, it’s not.

5. You don’t know yourself until you know your vagina.

6. Burt Reynolds is hot.

7. A direct quote: “If your boyfriend says it smells like rose petals, he’s lying. It smells like pussy. It IS a pussy! I ordered the fish, I want to taste the fish.”

8. Buy a compact mirror and check out your vag ASAP.

9. The C word has officially been reclaimed.

10. Our favorite euphemisms for the vagina: cha-cha, fish taco, muff, bearded oyster, poonany, and ... NAPPY DUGOUT