A friend of Roxy’s has found herself in a quandary. She’s seeing a funny, smart fella whose bed-side savvy leaves her in shock and awe. Unfortunately, they haven’t had the sexual history conversation, she’s not on the Pill and three condoms have broken over the last few weeks. Uh-oh is right.

This week, inspired by this friend, Roxy tackles the technicals behind having responsible sex. The big points? Harder said than done. And not to be done while hard.

First stop: getting over the “Are you clean? Good, let’s bone” paradigm. Roxy knows that asking about your partner’s sexual health rates right up there with Dick Cheney on the Sexy Scale, but it’s a conversation that’s got to happen — and should happen before the pants are off.

Once you’re kicking off your skivvies, it’s too late. I don’t care what people argue, having an earnest conversation about sexual history and STD status isn’t going to happen between third base and home. Using sloshball as a metaphor for sex, treat second base as a pause-point. (Freshmen, ask your RA to explain.) It’s a lot easier to be honest and thorough before you get lost in the momentum of the moment.

But how to bring up the topic and avoid awkwardness? Roxy knows that it can be really hard to spit out the words and get the convo rolling. I advise to just embrace the interpersonal discomfort. Some example phrases to try are: “Hold on a minute. I feel sort of awkward bringing this up, but when was the last time that you were tested for STDs? What were the results?” or “I feel embarrassed about this, but before things go any further, I should let you know that I have HPV.”

Only a true scoundrel would deceive you. On the inverse, if you have an STD and lie about it, your partner is very likely to discover the truth eventually — and to be really pissed off when that happens.

As an aside, Roxy actually is a strong advocate of going to Vaden together to get tested and sharing your reports with each other. But she does realize that in the world of one-time hook-ups, a 2 a.m. stop at Vaden on the way from 680 to Mirrielees isn’t gonna happen. So just do the best you can to get the information that you need.

Once you’ve opened the conversation, good questions to ask are: How many partners have you had? Did any of them have STDs, to your knowledge? Are you on any kind of birth control?

The point of all of this is to make sure that you feel informed and comfortable, so there are no “wrong” questions. Roxy recommends thinking of things that you would like to know about your partners when you are bored in lecture or biking home or doing something else that is completely unrelated to sex. This way, you’ll be prepared for the moment.

Moving on, let’s assume that you’ve talked to your mate, you feel comfortable with their responses, and you’ve decided to slide into home. Two big points should ALWAYS be covered.

Point 1: Use a condom/non-permeable barrier, even if you’re not having “traditional” intercourse. Roxy knew a girl back home who’d have anal sex when there wasn’t a condom on hand. And that girl got herpes (which is sad). And then she gave it to her partner’s brother (which is funny). Also, dental dams are damn worthless — they just don’t conduct heat very well. If you’re going to go that route, Saran Wrap is the way to go. (Thank you for the tip, “The Guide to Getting It On”!)

Point 2: Make sure that you follow proper condom application. This means that you have checked the expiration date, not put it on inside-out, pinched your finger over the reservoir tip to keep air bubbles out and left a bit of room at the head end so that his soldiers aren’t part of a forced evacuation. There has been no double-bagging, which hurts more than it helps, in many ways. And make sure that no one is using oil-based lube or lotion, both of which eat through latex like gremlins.

OK, kids. Have fun at home over Thanksgiving, good luck finding some hometown tail and remember to be responsible!