(German) Wie heisst du?

(English) What’s your name?

I love the fact that there is a special form to ask someone their name if you are on close friendly terms with that person; it’s one of the first things presented in my “key German phrases” leaflet. It’s not that amazing — it’s just using a different pronoun and form of the main verb, which can be done with most verbs in German (if you’ve studied French or Spanish, it’s the same kind of distinction as between “vous” or “usted” and “tu”). But really, how often do you ask a friend or family member what their name is?

On the other hand, I probably could have used such a construction this week. I just switched rooms at the beginning of this quarter and acquired new roommates in the process. I found out where I was moving and with whom I would be rooming mid-afternoon on Monday. By Tuesday, it seemed that somehow half of campus knew my new living situation. I ran into no less than four people (all casual acquaintances) who, upon seeing me, began to exclaim with delight that they had heard I was rooming with Katherine and Charlotte.

All well and good, I suppose — that’s what happens when you’re at a school with only 6,000 undergrads, right? Somehow everyone knows you, as well as anyone else you might meet, after less than a year and a half. So I shouldn’t have been so surprised that so many people I would run into would already know the details of my new rooming situation. (Whether or not it’s also improved could be argued about until the sun goes down. Though plenty of people have already tried to get me to state an opinion one way or the other, I just like leaving it at some infuriating small detail like, “Well, the floor’s cleaner.” That frustrates most people for some reason.)

I was really weirded out when someone whose name I had even forgotten was excited about my new roommates. I mean, I felt bad about forgetting his name, of course, because he remembered me clearly enough not only to recognize me, but to know that I was rooming with two other friends of his. This was definitely a context in which being able to ask someone his name in a friendly-seeming way would have been very useful.

On the other hand, sometimes a blatant, “Hey, I don’t actually know you very well — what’s your name again?” can be very useful when someone’s coming on a bit too strong. Everyone’s had that happen to them once or twice — you know, out on the dance floor, after dancing for approximately two minutes he tries to kiss you and in that moment you get the full force of his alcohol-breath. That’s the perfect time to drop a “So, what’s your name?” where it’s very unlikely the formal form would make enough sense, and the friendly form wouldn’t have quite the same effect.

In general, though, I think it would make college life so much easier to have separate forms for “friendly intent” and “formal, distancing intent” in introductive techniques. Heck, it could be used to make the whole fumbling initial flirtation period that much easier overall. An interesting guy’s smiling at you, you ask his name in a very friendly manner; sketchy guy doing the same, you drop the blunt, “By the way, I have never met you before.” Oh, wait, we do that anyway. Silly nonverbal cuing.

Not to mention it’s much easier to attempt to recover from a nonverbal statement than a verbal one — flirting is only supposed to be subtle hinting one way or the other. And I have enough problems trying to figure out what to call people anyway, with adults and professors frequently asking to be called by their first name. If I had to try to figure that out with everyone, and not be able to skirt the issue by just using pronouns and not referring to them by name, I would probably go insane.

On the other hand, if I don’t know someone’s name at all, trying to figure out what name to call her is somewhat irrelevant.

Kate doesn’t know your name, but feels silly asking. Tell her what to call you at kltang@stanford.edu.