At 4:30 yesterday afternoon I pulled in to an empty spot in the Tresidder lot and spent several minutes wandering between cars, trying to remember whether free parking on campus starts at 4 p.m. or 5 p.m. and looking for a sign that would tell me the answer.

There was a time not too long ago (three years, to be exact) when I could have rattled off that magic hour, along with a hundred other random Stanford facts and statistics, without a second thought. All while walking backwards, reversing my left and right and avoiding those wooden poles we call “bollards” for no apparent reason.

However, not only am I no longer a giddy Stanford tour guide, I am also no longer a sprightly Stanford undergrad. As of yesterday, when I dropped my color-coded envelope in the correct slot at Old Union (it takes at least four years to figure that system out), I am now officially a (sketchy?) Stanford grad student.

Although I have no plans of sporting bike bands around my pant legs any time soon, I know that I have aged in at least one arena: I have a burning desire to share the many pearls of wisdom I’ve acquired at the ripe old age of 24.

More specifically, I feel the urge to destroy a few of the most prevalent, most erroneous and most dangerous Stanford myths. So, before you get behind in your other reading, read on and consider yourself enlightened.

Myth #1: Shopping classes is awesome; you don’t have to do any work for the first week of the quarter.

Truth #1: Shopping is a misnomer — you cannot just push the cart up and down the aisles, pulling random items off of the shelves and then reading the nutritional info (read: syllabus). The more clothing you pull off the rack, the more overwhelmed you will be when you get to the dressing room. There is a reason why they have a limit to the number of items you can take with you, and it’s not just to prevent shoplifting.

The only way to try a class on for size on is to start doing the required work. Relying solely on the syllabus would be the equivalent of expecting that a size two means the same thing in every clothing store, or expecting that the picture on the front of the box is an accurate depiction of what you’ll find inside.

Myth #2: Full Moon on the Quad is only for freshmen and seniors.

Truth #2: Like every other annual tradition (the Band Run, MuFuUnSun), FMOTQ will only happen four times in four years. And you’ll spend the rest of your life talking about it.

Myth #3: Having a real relationship at Stanford is the equivalent of taking a five unit class.

Truth #3: I don’t know — I never had one that lasted an entire quarter. If we’re comparing interactions with the opposite sex to classes, see comments regarding Myth #1 for further insight. I have, for the record, dropped before the drop deadline. I’m talking about classes, obviously.

Myth #4: The Draw requires as much forethought and discussion as possible; get started early. In fact, for the best possible results, you should have chosen your drawmates yesterday.

Truth #4: The sooner you start talking about The Draw, the more drama there will be by the time you actually get assigned. There are no undiscovered Row houses and no such thing as the perfect number of people for a group.

Also, there is no correlation between social capability and Draw number (read: Bob will not necessarily be full of the coolest people on campus. I know. I lived there.)

Myth #5: Trying to do all the reading in college is like trying to take a drink of water from a fire hose.

Truth #5: This statement does not just apply to doing the reading. It applies to nearly everything here — just take a look at the number of tables at the activities fair.

Myth #6: College is best the time of your life.

Truth #6: This is a tough one. It’s hard to argue that life gets much easier than paying one bill every four months and enjoying a fully stocked open kitchen without once setting foot in a grocery store. On the other hand, you’re supposed to be choosing the classes/major/summer internship that will determine what you do for the rest of your life. No pressure.

I’d say the jury’s still out on this one. After all, I may be wearing a bike helmet right now (myth #7: all grad students wear bike helmets; truth #7: only the ones who want to preserve the brains that have now cost them no less than $150,000), but I’m having a damn good time.

Lisa Mendelman can be reached at lisame2@gmail.com.