You know the old adage: Two’s company, three’s a crowd. Well, that’s not the case anymore. Three’s the new two, four’s the new three — Roxy likes.

But how does one acquire a threesome without creating a Facebook group? This is Roxy’s current dilemma. Everyone else seems to think that Facebook groups are the best way to get your significant other in bed with another less significant other — the original of course being “If this group reaches 100,000 my girlfriend will have a threesome””). The original guy certainly has his threesome lined up given that his group now counts over 340,000 members. Or at least it did before those prudes at Facebook got rid of it, at least.

Others, including “If this group reaches 100,000 my girlfriend will become a CRACK WHORE” and “If this group reaches 100,000 members my girlfriend won’t care” and “If this group reaches 100 my inflatable girlfriend will have a threesome” are not doing as well.

But we’re not talking about all the horny guys on the Facebook trying to get threesomes, we’re talking about Roxy here. And Roxy needs good sex. And Roxy could sit around and wait for an opportunity. But that sounds more pacifist, and when it comes to getting her pleasure in, Roxy is definitely NOT a pacifist.

A threesome requires three able-bodied adults — hopefully very able-bodied. Roxy’s all in — well, let’s just say her current beau is all in, as well — pun certainly intended. But adding a third person to a duet is much more complicated than it might originally seem.

Let’s examine the playing field when it comes to hunting down an attractive sex object to become the third wheel on a very sexy tricycle. Or two attractive sex objects to become the third and fourth wheel on a shagging wagon. The problem is we don’t know how to find number three. Number four is a mere pipe dream. Where do we find someone to be our better third?

Trying to organize a threesome is much more easily imagined than executed. And ohh, does Roxy have an imagination! Where do we find someone to partake of the game that three can play at? Roxy suggests heading over to an afternoon at the Oval. Oh how those boys can play volleyball with their shirts off.

Then, there are technical, shall we say, “stickier” issues to having threesomes, foursomes or any moresomes: Who’s on who? How, when and where? What if the they’re into soft and you’re into hard? Or they enjoy wet willies (inner ear licking) and foot fetishes? What if they’re really into role playing and can only come when enticed by a female decked out in a school girl uniform a la Rory Gilmore? There are any number of sexual aberrations that your potential playmates could be into, and while such aberrations might be okay with Roxy, she isn’t so sure about her readers.

Another problem? Awkwardness. Assume that you can find the perfect playmate(s), how do you interact with that third or fourth person? If you’re the guy and it’s a second girl, do you talk to her the same way you talk to your girlfriend? Roxy knows she would get mad if her beau talked to another girl the same way. Likewise, in a foursome situation, she worries what sound her beau would make when another girl goes down on him.

Roxy doesn’t think people think about the practical things when it comes to sex among more than two people. Tell me that orgies aren’t just a logistical nightmare (can you tell Roxy has never had one?) It would take a genius computer scientist to devise the program that would make it such that all of the rules given by the God of Sex are followed: 1) every person must be giving pleasure and 2) every person must be receiving pleasure 3) and then you might start to have gender rules.

It’s the practical things people don’t about, just like who touches who, when, where and how?

There’s a whole world of things to think about which is why we need Googlesome- a matchmaking website for people seeking threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes and beyond, sorted by age, physical characteristics, sexual preference and fetishism. Why only find one result for your classified sex search when you can find millions?!

In the meantime, many horny people/couples are left out there seeking other horny people/couples in vain. Roxy’s two word solution — swinger’s club.