Today is a very important day. A day steeped in history. A day when the sins of the past are finally put to rest and a glorious vista of the future is revealed. Yes, that’s right — it’s time for the ASSU election results.

Finally, the annual farce that passes for democracy inaction around here is over. Presumably the who and what of victory and defeat is plastered all over the front page, so you’ve already absorbed the outcome and are now looking for some insightful commentary.

It’s difficult, though, to be truly insightful about something so utterly pointless. Still, let’s see what I can do.

There’s an old pun that gets pulled out for election season (including by me): In action versus inaction. It’s an easy way to point out that successful democracy is often synonymous with apathy. And apathy is generally thought to be bad.

Of course, what’s true of real elections with actual consequences doesn’t necessarily apply to the little games played here on campus. Student politics is vaguely entertaining (in much the same way that animals dressed up like people are entertaining), but that’s no reason to encourage such behavior by voting.

Whichever one of Heng with Graham or Rillera/Nguyen or The Sound and the Fury wins, your life will be completely unchanged. Likewise, regardless of whom you vote onto GSC, no one will ever stand out enough for you to notice.

The enthusiasm with which the week’s decision-making process has been covered in this publication is indicative of general overkill that applies whenever the veneer of self-awareness is dropped in favor of a slathering of self-righteous political posturing.

It is a constant source of amazement that people manage to be quite so excited about the little things in life. The sheer volume of paper covering White Plaza would be mildly disturbing by itself, but in combination with the dreadful punning that passes for campaigning in these elections, it’s deeply troubling.

If one were being cynical, one could point out that the emphasis on pithy slogans and blanket coverage is merely reflective of the downward spiral national politics has embraced: If style over substance was good enough for Bush and Kerry, surely we shouldn’t be surprised to see it here. I would, however, take a different view.

Campaigns on campus should be run even more like their real life counterparts. Think how much more entertaining the last few weeks would have been if Heng with Graham had accused Rillera/Nguyen of fathering an illegitimate child and having gone insane after five and half years in a POW camp?

I suppose that it could be argued that even if the choice of people is irrelevant, the selection of where your money goes does matter. But really, a few dollars a piece here and there is going to bankrupt you. In fact you’re not even going to notice any changes in your fees.

Now, if you’re one of the people who rely on these fringe groups to provide your Sunday morning breakfast, then perhaps you might be justified in caring about the outcome. However, since most things manage to slip past the scrutiny of the electorate, I don’t think you should have worried too much. And, to be honest, anything that failed to get funding probably didn’t deserve it (in fact, most of stuff that did get funding probably didn’t deserve it either).

Actually, if you’re a graduate student there was one measure on the ballot that is significant. The Graduate Student Transport Fee — or, alternatively, the “let’s get the poor saps who live on campus to subsidize my San Francisco lifestyle” fee.

This, if it passed, would cost noticeable amounts of cash (around $20 a quarter) and benefit very few people. Since I’m one of those people, I obviously voted in favor and will be happy to see it pass. On the other hand, even this is not going to change that many lives.

Twenty dollars a quarter is money, but really, no one will notice the difference in their bill. And if the measure fails, well sure there will be a few people who will take a hit, but we’re mostly a smug lot and probably deserve a kick in the financial teeth for expecting everyone else to pay for our attempts at urban living.

Well congratulations to the losers; at least you tried to score the resume points. As for the winners, you should remember that with great power comes great responsibility, so you can pretty much take it easy for next year.

Do you care? Email navins@stanford.edu and tell me why.