When a fan became upset at a European club soccer match because the ref had made a questionable call, he took what he felt to be the only reasonable and appropriate action. He walked out of the stadium, got behind the wheel of his car and drove straight into the stadium, attempting to run over the referee.

The same thing almost happened at a match in the MLS when Los Angeles Galaxy player Landon Donovan was tripped up in the box. The only difference? This time, with no fans in attendance, teammate Cobi Jones was seen ghost riding his 1996 Pontiac at the ref. Jones could not be restrained and he reportedly continued to shout at Landon, “Tell me when to go.”

Soccer is not only the official sport of the world, but also a way of life that has seeped its way into world culture. National holidays are declared after international victories in Europe. In Ghana, all the coalmines were shut down during the nation’s appearances in the 2006 World Cup so that there would be enough electricity for the anxious Ghanaians to watch their team on television. Yet, the MLS and world soccer has yet to make any viable dent in the American sports market.

I’ve heard the same argument over and over again. Soccer is too slow and there isn’t enough action. Personally, I have a hard time swallowing this argument from a country whose national pastime, baseball, showcases less action than a monastery.

The most telling statistic that proves how slow and unathletic baseball is: There are more than 30 pitchers in the major leagues that are actually clinically obese. And it’s not just pitchers (see former MLB player Cecil Fielder).

That said, there are a few things soccer could do to make the American public a little more interested. It seems as though with each passing year, the number of players willing to dive at the slightest contact is shooting through the roof. These fake injuries slow the pace of the game and disrupt the overall flow of the “beautiful game.”

Of course, every problem — with the notable exception of Terrell Owens — has a solution. I propose that soccer require an extra official for each match. This official will review all fouls with instant replay, and determine the reality of each painful grimace on the pitch.

For every minute that a player spends delaying the game with a fake injury, he will earn one minute in the Chamber of Soccer Penance to be served either at halftime or after the game. The chamber will be an escape-proof cage in which the guilty player will be forced to watch Fox’s newest reality show: “Dancing with the Stars,” Season 4: Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson Do the Samba.

This way, everyone wins; the players learn their lessons, Mike Tyson gets a job and television viewers across the globe get quite the eyeful during the halftime and post-game shows.

Aside from the argument that soccer is too slow, I’ve also heard complaints on the low (or lack of) scoring. Why can’t the rest of the world’s football be like American football and have scores rack up? The reason is simple. When Walter Camp created the rules for football, he ingeniously assigned the touchdown a value of seven points, thus tricking the acute-minded American public into believing that football truly was a high-scoring affair.

Thus, games in which teams won by a score of three touchdowns to two touchdowns, the score actually read 21-14. This seemingly unbreakable multiplicative code has successfully fooled American sports fans for more than two centuries. The solution? Make every soccer goal worth 20 points.

It’s a promising sign that around the United States; more and more youth soccer leagues are springing up. There is an unmistakable interest at the youth level, and that interest has lead to a growing pool of soccer talent in America.

If the interest of the sports viewing public can match the interest at the grassroots level, soccer could one day extend its worldwide love affair to the U.S.

And if not, at least they’ll all tune in at halftime in case Tyson has a wardrobe malfunction.

Antardeb Guharay is a junior majoring in math and computer science. E-mail him at aguharay@stanford.edu.