I opened Sunday’s email from Brett Hammon, one of our junior class presidents, with a great deal of excitement. Would I hear about new programming, events, opportunities for juniors, perhaps even a smorgy? Last year, as one of our sophomore class presidents, Brett made my inbox a little nest of joy.

I could immediately tell from the subject line that this wasn’t the ordinary bundle of information delivered with his trademark wit and brevity. And after reading the email, which announced a mid-quarter change in the roster of junior class presidents, I had to get up and go check a map. Check a map to make sure that we weren’t living in France or Mexico or some other piece of Not-America. You see, I thought we were living in a democracy, not some two-bit penny-ante dime-a-dozen banana republic where our “leaders” disappear during the night with nothing more than some dictate to register their passing.

I voted for Ana Shelli Victorino. She wasn’t perfect, but she was mine. My junior class president. And if the powers that be somehow deem her unfit for service, you can replace her nameplate, but you can’t replace her in my heart.

And as for this “replacement,” this “Sean Sandoloski,” if that is his real name. I have grave doubts. They begin with his Facebook photo. His eyes are conveniently obscured by “aviator” sunglasses. What is he hiding? What lurks behind those dark curtains? Is it the dead-eyed stare of a dope fiend? Or the cold, brutal eyes of a man who has wantonly killed his own countrywoman!

Abroad. It’s such a convenient term isn’t it? It can mean anything. Exile. Perhaps a nice new home, deep under the sea. I challenge El Presidente Brett to tell us a little bit more about this exile. Where has he sent this untiring public servant?

We won’t put up with this any longer. They’ve been feeding us lies for the past few years. Why?! Why would they do this to us! Being a junior class president should be like playing on a rugby team. If one man goes down, you play a man down. None of this BS about musical chairs, never knowing who’s in charge until it’s too late. The junior class presidency has turned from the pedestal of honor and dignity inhabited by Victorino to a dismal, sunglass-wearing junta!

I urge you, my country people. Do not wait for their next outrage! Rise up! Rise up right now. Go to Brett or email him at bhammon@stanford.edu and throw a metaphorical brick through the window that is the corrupt and depraved leadership position he has perverted for so long.

Viva la Revolucion!

Lisa Gunn is a junior majoring in film studies and history. Rahul is an undeclared junior. They can be reached at lgunn@stanford.edu and rahkan@stanford.edu.