Our generation isn’t doing enough to support this war. It’s not like, you know, some of us are fighting it. So it makes complete sense for Congress to vote to cut funding for student loans. The latest budget cuts, if they pass, would cut $14.3 billion from student loans. I question a Congress that places the burden of a war on the shoulders of one generation — ours. The government is calling for us to fight the war, and then asking those who didn’t go to have increased debts. And that tax cut? Not really helping us.

Congress, in its defense, was split on the issue. That means only half of Congress and Dick Cheney really hate our generation. But I still think the media’s relative quietness and the total lack of outrage at burdening students with extra loans are disgusting. I wonder if the boomer generation remembers the disillusion it felt during the Vietnam War. I wonder if its members recall how they felt an entire nation’s burden had been placed on their shoulders. I wonder how many drugs they took to forget about it and dump a similar situation on us.

So we have to get back at our parents and grandparents. I think I know how.

Imagine the headlines: “Entire generation vows to get tattoos, piercings and listen to really loud music.” That’ll show them old fogies. Oh! And then, we’ll take CBS off the air.1 Next, we’re going to nuke Florida. It’ll be the timeshare apocalypse. Retirees in mass exodus — motorized rascals all trying to cross into Georgia. Chaos! Anarchy! “Matlock” lovers!

Perhaps the best threat we can make is not against the current age group in charge. They won’t be the ones footing the bill for this war, and we really have no way of getting back at them. And while they’ll clearly don’t like us, I know who they will like: our children. That’s right, the best way to get back at our parent’s and grandparent’s generations is to threaten to dump the whole mess on our children’s generation. We’ll hold our own children hostage.

That deficit isn’t going away. And just like they’ve dumped today’s problems on tomorrow’s taxpayers, we can do the same thing.

See, they hate us, but they love their grandkids. Imagine this scenario in the far future: Your parents come to visit their grandchild; you smile as they offer a present to your son. You remark, “A toy for Billy? Well, Billy isn’t playing much with his toys anymore. In order to deal with the massive deficit, my generation voted to repeal child labor laws. Now that Billy can speak, he’s been working as a greeter at Wal-Mart. At this rate, he may be promoted to assistant manager by the time he hits puberty.” And just to drive home the point that our children’s generation will be really screwed and we have our parents to thank, we can add acerbically, “But thanks, we’ll sell the toy. Just like you sold us.”

Perhaps the best way to demonstrate the absurdity of the situation is to compare the American system with our friends in Britain. According to the Congressional Budget Office, the average student-loan recipient is now expected to incur $5,800 more in interests and fees during repayment. What is interesting, and scary, is that $5,800 is similar to the cost of an entire year of tuition at a British university. With the exchange rate, this amount is roughly equivalent to £3,200. That’s quite a bit more than the £1,125 annual tuition costs at most British universities. Currently, a typical American student on financial aid leaves with about $17,500 in debt, which is enough to pay for an entire college career and possibly a master’s degree in Britain. In contrast to the American system, British universities hand out wands and 14-year-old pieces of jailbait upon admission.

Let me clarify — my college education has been expensive, but not worthless. I just think it’s interesting how education is a priority in this country in the same way that “getting clean” is a priority for Courtney Love. Tuition is costly and the government isn’t doing anything to make it easier for students. In fact, it makes our generation’s lives that much more complicated.

We face increased debt, a national deficit, a war without end and an international situation which will probably not be resolved by the time we inherit responsibility for the country’s governance. Bush gets no heat for screwing over our generation, whereas Blair is getting yanked through the fires of Margaret Thatcher’s grave2 because he suggested increasing annual tuition to about £3,000. So maybe it’s not right to blame the president, the Congress, or the current government. Maybe it’s time we look to ourselves, realize we’re getting screwed and do something about it. I want my Hermione, dammit.

1 Old people watch it. Trust me.

2 No, she’s not dead. It’s figurative.

Chris respects the Right Honorable Baroness Thatcher, the British system and the Ministry of Magic’s rules against dating underage witches. Send complaints to cholt@stanford.edu.