Every generation of young Americans has a set number of phrases and words that define them. Ours is no different. Whereas 50 years ago, something might have been “keen” or “swell,” the youth of today will describe it as “tight” or “sweet.” These simple modifiers and descriptors may seem innocuous, but everyday use of these phrases and words reaches a saturation point that demands change. Today is that day.

The following few phrases are just begging to die and be replaced by the next etymological fad. Who better to squelch the debates in the politics of language and usher in a new age than Intermission? No one, that’s who.

Let’s start simple. The word “ridiculous” was once reserved for clowns and politicians. Our generation has bastardized this word to describe anything that is difficult or unbelievable. Example: “That test was ridiculously difficult” or “Jack Bauer is one ridiculous mother.” Mark it on your calendar, for a new day has dawned on “ridiculous.” By folding “ludicrous” into the cookie dough that is “ridiculous” we achieve the chocolate chip cookie swirl of “ludicridous.”

Next, graduate students have lived under the banner of “sketchy” for too long. Are they poorly drawn, lacking in determined lines and shading? No! They are not drawings; they are people (sort of . . . ). Taking a page from the much more cultured folks across the pond, the term “sketchy” will be replaced with “dodgy,” and young folks will never again have to live under the tyranny and oppression of “sketchy.”

Like “ridiculous” and “sketchy” before it, the phrase “I’m not gonna lie, but . . . “ has run its course. If you weren’t going to lie, you wouldn’t have to say that, would you?! It undermines all authority you have on a subject and will ultimately make you look like a liar. The Intermission solution phrase? “I’ll be honest.” These three simple words (four if you’re opposed to contractions) convey your honesty and will make you popular with the ladies.

Finally, in an age in which paranoia is more prevalent than prostitutes, the following few phrases have been beaten to death so many times that they are now just bloody pulps of words. The words and names “liberty,” “freedom,” “terrorists,” “America,” “Saddam Hussein” and “Al Qaeda” have been vomited by politicians, both conservative and liberal, at the American people relentlessly in the last few years.

We here at Intermission are so sick of these canned political phrases that we humbly suggest these changes in national rhetoric:

“liberty” = fun time

“freedom” = running in tulip fields with puppies

“terrorists” = shmucks with sand in their shorts

“America” = Halliburtonia (or any other corporate sponsor who pays top dollar) Examples: Microsoft-stan or Coca-Colaland.

“Saddam Hussein” = Uncle Saddie

“Al Qaeda” = The new South

So the next time you find yourself resorting to these phrases, or if you think that a phrase is overdone, just make up your own phrase or use one of ours and hope it catches on.