“Let’s win one for the Gipper,” cried senior Camille Ricketts, current Daily Editor-in-Chief and the only second-term candidate for the position in recent memory, at last night’s election rally.

Ricketts, who won yesterday’s Volume 229 Editor-in-Chief vote in an electoral landslide similar in proportion to that of Reagan in his 1984 bid for the presidency against the ill-fated Walter Mondale, could not resist interrupting the roar of the crowd to offer joyous yelps of glee.

When the results were announced, it turned out that Green Party candidate Jules R. Penguin only managed to bring in one vote out of the 36 cast.

“I demand an immediate recount,” Penguin said. “Thereís absolutely no way I only got one vote because I know I voted for myself at least twice.”

However, as of last night The Daily’s Election Commission refused to pursue Penguin’s grievance, filed shortly after the election outcome was announced, with the body’s spokesperson explaining, “We’d follow up on it if we could - but Tivo’s down, and The Daily Show is on.”

Junior David Herbert, who did not make any campaigning efforts in the slightest, was the only individual to receive a write-in vote.

“I was completely excited about that vote at first,” Herbert said. “But at the same time, I realized it is kind of embarrassing because it makes it look like I cast it. And I didn’t. Not that I’d admit it if I did, of course. But really, I didn’t.”

One of the primary issues that Penguin campaigned upon was the goal of making The Daily’s operations more environmentally conscious.

†”Here we are, printing 10,000 copies a day of a newspaper that is some 16 pages long, just so some jackass can read the Bunnies in between class,” Penguin said. “That’s not right. That’s not justice.”

However, it appears that Ricketts plans to cast the large share of votes she received as a mandate for her ambitious policy agenda, which has been criticized by some as being too “pro-business.”

“Remember, trees cause more pollution than automobiles,” Ricketts said. “So screw them. And we’re all riding our bikes to work, so I’d say we’re doing pretty damn good for ourselves. Pretty damn good indeed.”