It’s me, not you. I know you’ve heard that one before, but it really is me this time. Yes, Ms. Sass is pulling the plug on our summer romance and bidding you, her faithful reader, adieu. But before I move on, Roxy would like to impart some words of wisdom from the department of disassociation because as a wise man told her, the end of summer is the best time to break up. (People are far less clingy than in the winter).

One of Roxy’s favorite break-ups — that is, the one she finds most frenetically amusing and is most often involved in - is calling it quits with the person you didn’t even realize you were dating.

Let’s be honest; we’ve all been there. You hook up with the hot item at Sigma Chi’s Saturday party, and by Wednesday, random people are stopping you in White Plaza to tell you how excited they are for you and so-and-so. You stop short of, “Sweet — that’s her name!” and assume some uncharacteristically alert partygoer saw you two together and jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Until she shows up on your doorstep with dinner and a movie on Friday.

Or maybe he’s that guy you’ve always been friends with and now find yourself hanging out with a lot. You’re enjoying his company, thinking how great it is that you can just be friends with a man.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, your clever cowboy is practically beside himself enjoying the impending success of his slow saunter into your heart.

No matter the approach, you eventually find yourself faced with romantic entanglement. Unable to do the adult thing and straighten your would-be future spouse out then and there, you surrender to a little more pseudo-relationship, and wham — you have a break-up on your hands.

Don’t despair. Whether your imaginary coupling came out of a frat party or a faux friendship, the bottom line is that you can’t let it go on. Of course, breaking up may not be the most fun way to spend your Friday dinner, but rest assured that having next week’s new flavor accuse you of philandering (on account of having recently met your “girlfriend”) will be far less fun.

That said, don’t be a jerk. Refrain from calling her delusional or telling him it was just hooking up. Swallow your pride and just treat it like an actual break-up. You know how it works: “You’re great. This is great. But I’m just not at that moment in my life right now.” The discomfort of handling it the right way is worth the continuing health of your reputation.

In the preceding situation you are in a hole, in this case you are in a trench. You went to bed with a prince, woke up with a frog and decided to date said amphibian, a likely beneficiary of circumstance. This is the “it’s you” break-up, where you have to wriggle yourself out of the grips of a person who is a little crazy, likely enamored and definitely annoying.

Your hook-up tracked you down — damn the Facebook — and in a moment of weakness you agreed to make a public outing. You survived the movie, and even managed to make small talk through the gelato, but somewhere near the end he caught you off guard with a, “We should do this again sometime,” and you nodded politely. You go out again...and again. You’ve misplayed your hand and found yourself in a de facto relationship. But ever the trooper, you hang out a few times until he mentions how wonderful you are for the 27th time, and you want to poke out your left eye. Even then, you think about suffering through, especially when you think about the alternatives out there. But don’t, because soon sitting alone in a dark room will sound appealing compared to another dinner and a movie night with him.

And while he is prostrate-on-the-ground in love with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you should step on him. The longer you let it the linger, the more your partner will languish and the worse you’ll feel in the end. But, of course you’re not completely selfless because, as convenient as Mr. Right Now is, Mr. Right could be waiting for a space on your dance card.

When you finally work up the courage to declare your independence, feel free to recycle the, “It’s me, not — you,” line, but pay some charity lip-service to the good parts of him and your relationship -whether you want to or not — before you induct him into your illustrious ex-boyfriend club.

When it comes to the college relationship, Ms. Sass has to be honest: I just don’t have that much sympathy for you. “That’s a smidge harsh,” you’re thinking, but bear with me a moment.

It isn’t that I don’t value these relationships, or that I think breaking them up is easy. Quite the opposite, in fact. The college relationship comes in a wide range of shapes and sizes, but no matter the variety, the best long-term fit is almost always a break-up.

How could that be, Roxy? Well, think about it. Do you really want to meet the man or woman you’re meant to marry now, when you’re 20 and hanging out on the Row with those people from freshman year you still haven’t cut loose? Ha.

The senior boyfriend will break up with his junior girlfriend - that’s a done deal - but the real question is whether she’ll realize what a favor’s he’s doing them both. After all, nothing says love like the gift of an appropriately debaucherous senior year.

And for the two that are both graduating, but working on opposite coasts, you’ll find your way back to each other when the time is right. Just don’t let the end of your romance be the end of your friendship. Unless, of course, you’re in one of those college relationships for which your friends took odds on both the hook-up and the break-up at the same time. In that case, call it a good time and let it go.

So there you have it — Roxy’s parting look at the ins and outs of the relationship, from hook-up to break-up, and everything in between. As summer comes to a close and the school year looms large on the horizon, promise yourself now that you’ll take some time out for a little love, whether you like it hot and sexy or sweet and subtle.

And for that moment when you arrive at the worst break-up of all - the one where you’re in love but know it just can’t be, for whatever reason — remember that every good marriage is built on at least one wonderful lost love. Timing is everything, and heartbreak builds character. You have three weeks to ponder that. See you in September.