This will be my last regular column in The Daily. As per my calculations, this is currently the longest-running column in The Daily, and yes, I have that on my resume. But this is it. I will have one more column in the Commencement issue, but in terms of my weekly spot, this is it.

For those of you keeping score at home, I have written more than 75 columns in these past three years, and while that number may represent the workload of just a few months for any professional writer, I never hired an agent, and thus retained my amateur eligibility.

You see, it is lame jokes like these that my public craves, and for the last three years, I have delivered each week. But what my readership rarely receives are updates; what happened to this person, that event, that field hockey team?

So in my last column, I’ll devote my space to my regular readership, the people who read this column on a weekly basis, which I hope is more than just my parents.

So here it is, a behind-the-column depiction of three years in the life of a Daily sports columnist.

I had written a few columns prior to this one in my sophomore year, but clearly, my popularity as a columnist achieved its first major spike after “Spencer and Field Hockey’s Infidelity.” Basically, what happened was that the field hockey team scolded me privately for being a sub-par beat writer and I belittled them publicly in response. It was juvenile, crude and, if I may say so myself, hilarious. This, as you might expect, created some tension between myself and the team — but when an entire D1 Varsity team chants “Spencer Porter Sucks!” at an on-campus event, you know you’ve made it as a collegiate sports columnist.

I have since made my peace with the team. I know some of them still wish to clobber me, but when I pass by those girls on campus, I just hold my hand to my ear and pretend that I’m on the phone.

The next columns that gained some significant popularity were my series of “Hot Stuff” columns, which detailed how I was utterly inept at dealing with the opposite sex. “Hot Stuff” was my girlfriend at the time (“Cayenne” and “Sloan,” my current gf, would make appearances in future columns as my special someone). I am happy to report that “Hot Stuff” not only provided more conversation material than she is probably comfortable with, but we are friends to this day.

But I can’t go a word further without mentioning water polo. Inspired by Mike Albanese, some of my friends and I challenged the polo team to a staring / beauty contest in “Spencer takes on water polo team in beauty contest.” Back in the day, the polo team would “post-up” at the Clock Tower, looking sun-goldened and chlorinated. But when my crew showed up, the team backed down to our alpha-male status. Thankfully, the polo team was the biggest fan of this piece, with their coach even sending it to recruits. I have picked on the polo guys often in my last three years and their response has always been very gracious.

And, of course, how could I forget my countdown of the Top 10 Armenian athletes of all time? Featuring Cher at No. 8, this column somehow found its way into the hearts of half the Armenians in the state, and they all e-mailed me. In related news, I now have 17 great recipes for Shish-Kebab.

I had other columns in there that I don’t want to forget, like “Cheater’s Zone,” my reflection on being the inspiration for being an entire character in “Gaieties,” and “Heart is Necessary, Clothing is Optional.” I had my successes: “It’s Chill for Soccer at KA Kickball Classic.” My failures: “Spencer’s a Much Bigger Idiot Than You.” And my poignant moments: “Spencer Misses You — and the Arizona game.”

As far as I can tell, I leave campus having offended five sports teams (lightweight crew, field hockey, archery, water polo and football), many student groups (Yell Leaders, the Band, Axe Committee, etc.), and a few countries (Germany, England, etc.).

But really, I’d like to thank the all people that made this column possible, all the characters, editors and fans. They include: Steve “Whose Rick” Myrick, Kerin Lanyi, Nicole Miller, Scott Allen, Jess Peters, Aaron Levine, Matt Long, Ross Porter, Chase Porter, my parents, Grandma, Mike Boutross, Mike Sgroi, Mike Albanese, Jan Piotrowski, Vamsi Adusumilli, Renee Hudson, Ryan Spies, Preston McCaskill, Jon Heller, Ben Huston, Julie Ruvolo, Bill Simmons, the water polo team, Alfonso Pulido, Chris Hernandez and Tony Kornheiser.

Thank you to everyone who has enjoyed this column and told me about it. And thank you to everyone who hated this column, but never told me about it.

Thank you all.

Spencer Porter is a senior and this editor is going to miss writing headlines for his columns. E-mail Spencer at porters@stanford.edu.