Roxy might not be the biggest sports fan, but she’s definitely a big fan of athletes. Sure, she might not always understand what they’re doing on the field, but she certainly knows it pays off when the night goes into “extra innings.” And sorry, boys, playing Halo 2 doesn’t count as a sport.

Athletes are great sexual partners for a number of pleasurable reasons . . . and they’re just hot, too. Forget diamonds, athletes should be a girl’s best friend. Follow Roxy’s advice, and the Arrillaga Sports Center will soon be like a second home — or a second bedroom, at the very least. So sit back and let Roxy take you on a sexual journey through campus, starting at the football field.

Football players have a reputation for good reason: they’re big, they’re strong and they can even make sex in Crothers Memorial exciting. It’s the same for basketball and baseball, but they don’t pay Roxy to write articles about stuff you can figure out on your own — Roxy’s here to impart wisdom about the sports you don’t know a lot about. And with that, let’s move on to the Avery Aquatic Center.

In the battle for AAC supremacy, swimming and waterpolo stage one hell of a fight, but the guys with the little numbered caps ultimately come out on top. Waterpolo was even voted the hottest team in all sports by “Sports Illustrated for Women” a couple years ago.

Roxy recently had the pleasure of “swimming” with one of these amphibious men and was rewarded with an experience she’ll never forget. Roxy’s only advice is that you keep these boys in their native aquatic habitat. Sure they’re okay on dry land, but something about wet environments. . . well, they just get Roxy really wet. Still not a fan of the pool? Head on over to the track.

If there’s one thing Roxy desires, it’s diversity, so trying out the cross-country team just had to be done. Give these boys a chance, ladies. Besides, they’ve got an advantage no other athletes can hope to match: endurance. The only man who ever went eight times in one night with Roxy was a runner. Yep, eight times. Whew, Roxy’s getting sore just thinking about that night . . . Maybe it’s time for some tennis.

Tennis players make great lovers because they’re used to “giving” and “taking.” First it’s your turn, then it’s theirs, then it’s yours again! These boys make their living by putting their balls in just the right spot, so it’s not a surprise they’re good at putting other things in just the right spot too. The back-and-forth of tennis too monotonous for you? Try the high-flying gymnastics team.

Have you ever see one of these boys do an unassisted keg-stand at a party? That alone should tell you all the crazy things they can do in the bedroom. Try this for an analogy — gymnast : flexibility : : cross-country runner : stamina. Think about it. You could have sex with a gymnast in the back seat of a MiniCooper and still have the time of your life.

Hopefully Roxy didn’t forget anyone special, but it gets hard to remember all your lovers when you’ve had the career that Roxy’s had. Let’s see, football, baseball, basketball, waterpolo, cross-country, tennis, gymnastics. Wait, I forgot the golf team!

Just kidding. Roxy would never have sex with the golf team. A girl’s got to have standards.