If living well is the best revenge, living well for less is exponentially satisfying. Even if you aren’t travel-sized (and can therefore buy kids’ clothing) and require less food and water (and order off the kids’ menu), there are plenty of ways to cut corners and save on expenses. Intermission does not condone nor necessarily support the less-ethical methods, we just wanted to give you a full range of cost-effective living options.

Good Grub: You grab your 15 copies of the Stanford Directory and 10 more of the Unofficial Guide only to find out half of them already have the “Free Slice” coupons for Pizza My Heart ripped out. Take advantage of their standing deal for a slice of pizza and a t-shirt for five bucks — always, always order the most expensive slice available. If you haven’t already subscribed to free-food-alert@lists.stanford.edu, do so now.

If you are ridiculously spendthrift but don’t want to give the impression that you’re as cheap as George Costanza, you may want to ditch your ethics and save money the sneaky way. Want to impress your date with a meal from Spago but don’t want to shell out the bucks? Bring a worm or other easily concealed equally undesirable particle and subtly place it on the plate of noodles. You’re going to hell, but you’ll get an 80 percent discount while you’re at it, including the senior citizens’ one and the birthday discount!

Live in a dorm where people are constantly ordering Domino’s because there’s nothing to eat after the dining halls close? Offer to pick up their pizza for them in exchange for a slice or two. Rearrange the remaining pieces of the pie “artistically” in the box to mask the white space. And for anyone who has a friend with a Costco card, hit that up and make the rounds for all the free samples of beef jerky and bagel bites you could ever want, washed down with tiny white cups of cranberry-apple-grape juice. A buck-50 will also get you a hot dog and a refillable drink.

Locks for Less: Do yourself (and us) a favor — get a haircut, kid. The salon apprentices need a live head of hair to refine their skills, and you’ve got one. You don’t have to do anything but sit still. You won’t walk out with a faux-hawk unless you ask for one, and the head stylists / teachers are there to quality control. Juut Salon on University Avenue, Jaxx on El Camino and Rocket Salon are a few of the more “upscale” places that won’t butcher you. Make the trek out to Campbell and Faux Salon will be happy to have you on Tuesday nights at 6. Call them up and volunteer to be a hair model, it won’t cost you anything — just be sure to tip generously if you’re especially pleased.

Music / Entertainment /Amusement: Stanford often has screenings of gems such as “[insert generic movie title involving ‘Love’ here]” but that’s just a waste of your time. Do you even bother with FLiCKS group passes? Forget books, Green Library’s extensive DVD collection includes the VIP edition of “Showgirls.” Offer to make mix cd’s for people who want to express their unrequited love for crushes — for a price. Want to go golfing at the Stanford golf course but can’t afford the balls? Admission to the course is free. Bring a backpack and start collecting them from the driving range.

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Fashion: Sell your clothes to Buffalo Exchange and other secondhand shops. Hell, round up the stray shirts, pants, and garments in your laundry room and sell them to the thrift stores. Steal your roommate’s while you’re at it, if you don’t think they’ll object too strongly. Salvage clothes that you’re bored with by cutting them up and incorporating them back into your wardrobe. Don’t forget, ugly shoes make for great doorstops and planters.

Come to think of it, Stanford sells itself. Peddle your Stanford attire to aspiring high-schoolers in the area, assuring them “a REAL Stanford student wore this.” Everyone loves sports memorabilia, so head to Mirrielees or ZAP to obtain some authentic Stanford athlete gear for resale. Your favorite shirt might just be the new trim on an otherwise-blah jacket. Don’t forget, ugly shoes make for great doorstops and planters.

Love clothes but can’t afford them off the rack in the stores? Don’t pull a Winona. Try them on to make sure the sizes will fit you, and scrounge online for sites selling them at half-price. Hit up the outlets and look for clothes that have minor rips and tears that can be cheaply mended by a seamstress. Chances are, you can argue for 10 to 20 percent discounts. If you’re tired of shopping at the Stanford Shopping Mall and looking like everyone else, get graphic with Threadless.com’s unique tee’s, currently on sale for $10 a pop. “Nude No More,” they declare — don’t wash them when they get dirty, just buy new shirts.