My younger colleagues at The Daily have being commenting lately on the ugliness (or otherwise) of Stanford students (see “Stanford kids are ugly,” Jan. 15, and “Beauty and / or the brains,” Jan. 19). Since originality doesn’t really have a place in student journalism, I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon.

In fact, with the wisdom of age and my refined continental outlook, it seems clear that I can offer a level-headed assessment of the playing field.

First off, I must confess that in some respects I’m not that well-placed to comment on the attractiveness of the Stanford community. This is, of course, because the undergraduate population does tend to appear as an amorphous mass once you’ve reached the lofty status of a graduate.

However, I made a special effort last week to try and peer into the hordes of screaming children and count the relative numbers of fitties (you may have noticed that I’m trying to popularize this word in the New World, so please, tell all your friends).

The results? Well, you do okay. Obviously, one has to adjust for the fact that almost everyone on campus needs immediate help with their dress sense (white socks are bad, having the word “Stanford” plastered over your apparel is not cool).

Once you get past deficiencies of taste, though, the raw material is really quite reasonable. Bodies are relatively lithe, faces are relatively symmetrical and personalities are relatively . . . well, who cares?

In the negative column, though, I did move to California largely on the visual evidence of teenage T.V. shows and slick Hollywood movies, so I can’t help but be a little bit disappointed at the available talent. Still, it's definitely a step up from the suburbs of London.

Actually, the prettiness of youth is not particularly relevant to most grads. It is, after all, almost impossible to penetrate the market given the glass ceiling / Chinese wall / barrier of sketchiness / general annoyance at (im)maturity.

Instead, we must turn to our own kind, and make a frank assessment of their “abilities.” Here the outlook is rather grim.

There are several problems with the average attractiveness of the graduate student community. Foremost among these is the existence of electrical engineers. And computer scientists. And physicists.

Even if you get past that problem by hanging out on the fluffy side of campus, there are still more obstacles to overcome in your quest for “more than a sparkling intellect and engaging personality.”

While most of the Stanford community needs fashion help, grads are in a league of their own. It’s the first time in my life I’ve moved in a group where wearing socks with sandals is an acceptable style choice.

I pride myself on my ability to spot a looker although they may be buried under layers of bad taste. Doing it amongst my peers at the Farm, though, is proving a challenge.

Of course, even if you hang out in the right corners of campus and filter out the dreadful clothing, you will still have an almost insurmountable obstacle in locating the beautiful grown-ups. They’re in hiding.

As amazing as it sounds, rather than show off their wares to the world, PYTs in grad school tuck themselves away and allow the world to assume that we’re a terribly unattractive group.

When I say hidden, I don’t mean that they are lurking behind trees and around corners — rather they’ve buried themselves under piles of hard work.

I’ve heard it said that men find smart women unattractive. The truth is, however, that both sexes are far from their best when immersed in the drudgery of achievement. And, if nothing else, grad school certainly brings out the worst in people when it comes to that.

Well now you’ve had my two cents (and 623 words) worth, I suppose I should construct some kind of witty farewell. This is my last column for The Daily, at least for this volume, and I’d like to thank all seven of my readers for their dedication.

Anyway, that’s all for now — I’m off to try and improve my complexion by studiously doing nothing for a couple of hours.

Nav is a little uncertain of the number seven when it comes to his readers and would appreciate confirmation. Please e-mail navins@stanford.edu if you read this column so that statistics can be compiled.