For those of you who haven’t heard, it’s true — the Nintendo Game Boy is back, and sexier than ever. When did this boy get sexy, you ask? And how could a little piece of electronic hardware turn us into slovenly pedophiles?

You have to admit, the term “Game Boy” itself could convey innuendo of a different sort — could, if it weren’t already associated with such happy, harmless memories as “Tetris,” “Super Mario Bros,” and (in later, darker years) that damned “Pokemon” franchise. But the Nintendo Game Boy, now in its fifth incarnation, has come such a long way, baby, and when you see the new Advance SP in all its glory — pederast or no — you’ll be itching to get your hands on one.

The original Game Boy Advance was released to much fanfare almost two years ago, with its primary features being a new system architecture (complete with 32-bit processor, more advanced than the original Super Nintendo console!) as well as a new ergonomic design that placed the directional pad and the buttons to either side of a widened screen. Finally, at long last, players with huge hands could wrap their fingers along the back of the machine with comfort. Two L and R shoulder buttons were also added, presumably to allow for more sophisticated games.

Oddly enough, however, several features that had plagued the other Game Boy systems persevered — the LCD screen still had no backlight, and the system still ran off of AA batteries, a deceptive “convenience” that most Game Boy owners would eventually exchange for a third-party rechargeable battery pack.

And now comes the Game Boy Advance SP, released just last month to even more anticipation and working of salivary glands. What does SP stand for? I haven’t a clue. “Super Powerful?” Probably not, since the SP still has the same specs as the original Advance: a 32-bit processor, 240 x 160 pixel resolution — even the screen size has stayed the same, measuring a kid-friendly 2.9 inches diagonally.

So let’s just call it “Special.” Gone are those pesky AA batteries or bulky rechargeable packs; the SP comes with its own Nintendo-approved lithium-ion battery that lasts up to 10 hours per charge (with the included AC adapter). More importantly, though — and this is the one feature that will have gamers gallivanting in the streets — is the built-in backlight for the display, which finally reduces both eyestrain and gameplay woes. At long last, you can play your Game Boy in the dark, without the aid of one of those cumbersome accessory lights; even better, you can finally see everything that’s happening on screen at all times. No more endless tilting so that outside light falls on it just right — this Game Boy is lit from within, and your gameplaying hours will be infinitely happier because of it.

Unfortunately, the SP isn’t without its flaws. For some inexplicable reason, Nintendo has actually eliminated the headphone jack from the basic unit; to be fair, there does exist a separate accessory that plugs into one of the ports, but this kind of takes away from the simplicity of the design. Also, it’s hard to look macho in public when your Game Boy’s emitting tinny blips and bleeps from the woefully grating speaker.

The system’s most visible change — a sleek, svelte new design that folds open like a tiny laptop — may also cause some players newfound stress. Yes, the folding design makes the system even smaller to carry around, becoming a 3.3” x 3.3” square less than an inch thick in your pocket; even better, it naturally protects the screen when not in use.

However, people with big hands will go back to suffering, much like the opposite effect of those gargantuan Xbox controllers. Some people have finger joints longer than three inches, and even those with modest hands will still feel a little cramped trying to get their fingers in place to reach all the buttons. To add insult to injury, the L and R buttons have been shrunken to miniscule proportions, located on the upper corners of the square base. It’s these buttons that are particularly troublesome; not only will you probably give up being able reach them fast enough during normal gameplay, chances are more likely that you’ll accidentally nudge one of them with the undersides of your colossal fingers while trying to use the buttons on the front, registering unwanted button presses. Weak sauce!

Of course, there may be something wrong with a grown man criticizing a child’s toy for actually fitting in the hands of a child (let’s face it, the main point of this is so that junior can upgrade Pikachu to Level 70 that much faster), but videogames are quickly becoming a more acceptable form of popular entertainment, and the Game Boy’s new sophisticated look will no doubt draw even more adults into the fold. Presumably many of those adults will not have small hands.

For all the griping, though, the fact remains that the SP’s small, sexy new look is a winner — never has portable gaming been this easy or just plain cool. Nintendo has finally added the features gamers have been clamoring for. And, as with every new Game Boy, the SP is backwards compatible with all previous generations of Game Boy cartridges. This gives you an endless library of games, with new ones (mostly ports of Super Nintendo classics) being released every day. If you’re an avid Game Boy player, the decision is a no-brainer; it’s worth it to buy the SP solely for the backlit display and the integrated rechargeable battery. If, however, you’ve just got really big hands . . . dang, man, what the heck are you doing playing videogames?